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Dividing Friends in Divorce
When married couples divorce it is not uncommon for possessions accumulated during the marriage to become subject to division. In addition to cars, homes, accumulated wealth and even time with children, it may happen that even the friends you had during your marriage may suddenly no longer answer your phone calls.
Time for New Social Circles
Even those people who you thought were your best friends may no longer have time for you, or perhaps even took the side of your ex-spouse following a divorce. While that can be unsettling, this time in your life can become an opportunity for finding and making new friends. This will not always be easy, especially if your former spouse was the one in the relationship who initiated the friendships you maintained as a couple. However, now you have the chance to surround yourself with the type of people with whom you truly enjoy spending time.- Take time to determine what it is you want to get out of a new friendship. Since you no longer have a spouse to consider, there may be an opportunity to get to know people with whom your ex-spouse might not have otherwise associated.
Worst Case Scenario Divorce
For some people, the divorce experience is fraught with stress, uncertainty, dread and other feelings of ill will. It did not start out that way, but once reality sets in and attorneys begin discussing the matters of custody, asset division and other financial issues it is not uncommon for bad feelings to surface.
Handling the Worst a Divorce Has to Offer
Fears of being “taken to the cleaners” can cause a person to lose sleep, become bitter and even react overly aggressive in a situation when calm behavior might be best. When you dread getting out of bed because you have to go meet your ex-spouse and their attorney it can have a negative effect on others areas of your life. Perhaps consider this routine to get a grip of your concerns and create a plan to control your emotions.- Step 1: Write down the worst outcome(s) of the divorce you can imagine. Many fear being left broke and in debt, stuck in what seems like a never-ending divorce, and without a meaningful relationship with their children.
Bad Divorce Advice
When considering a divorce, or while you are going through this highly emotional and stressful experience, perhaps the last thing anyone wants to hear is a lot of advice about how to handle the whole process. A divorce is a very personal matter. It would be rare that any two divorces are exactly alike, so it is unlikely that advice from one will fit the needs of another.
Do What is Best for You
No one knows or understands your marriage experience better than you, so applying the advice of others to a very personal matter, such as a divorce, may prove to be quite counterproductive. Here is a sample of some advice that might be right for some, but could be considered quite bad depending on an individual’s circumstances. If you hear this advice from friends or family, proceed with caution.
- Separate as soon as possible and cut off all contact. Not only will this create an adversarial relationship with your spouse, but also could negatively impact your relationship with your children.
Gray Divorce: When Senior Citizens Divorce
Most people probably think a divorce occurs after a couple of years of marriage, or while the spouses are still relatively young. While that may have been true during the 1970s and 1980s, a new phenomenon has developed as more and more adults over the age of 50 are now taking steps to end their marriages later in life.
Why Is “Gray Divorce” Happening Now?
The idea of grandpa and grandma going through divorce is now more common than ever. While that is an image many find difficult to comprehend, the fact remains that more and more seniors are divorcing now than ever before.
- Older adults divorcing now are members of the baby boomer generation and tend to believe in the pursuit of happiness, even at the expense of ending a long marriage.
- Baby boomers who divorced in the 1970s and 1980s frequently remarried. The rate of divorce among those in a second or third marriage is higher than among those in a first marriage.
What Happens When a Death Occurs During Divorce?
The divorce process is fraught with questions and uncertainty. It also results in heightened anxiety and feelings of depression, anger, relief and a variety of other emotions. However, that uncertainty and swirl of emotions can reach a new level if one spouse unexpectedly dies prior to a final divorce decree.
From Almost Ex-Spouses to Widow (or Widower)
In addition to the legal issues under review as part of the divorce, the surviving spouse often must deal with questions pertaining to how to grieve and handling expressions of condolence from others. While the legal path to resolve matters may be more clear, both it and the emotional side of things can present challenges.
From the legal aspect:
- A difficult matter takes on a new level of complexity.
- When your spouse dies prior to a finalized divorce this does not entitle you to immediately take possession of all the assets that were the subject of division negotiations.
Heading for Divorce?
Over the course of any marriage, spouses will fight. It is a fact. However, the subject of those fights and the ways in which spouses choose to fight (or not fight) can dictate whether or not a fight is but a precursor to divorce. A fight does not have to signal the end of a relationship, especially if it is about something that a couple can work through with some effort and common sense.
What Are You Fighting About?
Difference pertaining to the handling of finances frequently are the cause of fights between spouses. However, not all fights are about mishandling the checking account. Here’s a list of things couples fight about that might seem minor, but have proven to create major battles in some relationships.- The remote control: Spouses have been known to quarrel over who holds the remote, how loud is the TV and what to watch. Perhaps this is why many homes have more than one television set.
Property Division for Unmarried Couples
It was an issue first reviewed by the Illinois Supreme Court more than 35 years ago, and the justices ruled then that common law marriages would not be recognized in this state. This meant non-married, cohabiting partners, regardless of the length of their relationship, could not claim rights to property owned by the other person. This ruling was upheld earlier this month when the Illinois high court decided that unmarried domestic couples had no rights to a partner’s property when the relationship ends.
Marriage and Cohabitation Not the Same, When a Relationship Ends
Many couples do not believe marriage is the right way to affirm their relationship. In fact, there are many couples who live together for long periods of time, even outlasting their married counterparts. However, the end of a relationship not licensed by the state through marriage can provide for some drama when it ends if one feels they are entitled to part of the property and assets amassed during their time together. However, in its most recent ruling, the state’s high court again confirmed that division of certain property and assets held by unmarried couples was not subject to the same laws as those impacting married couples going through a divorce.- When first considered, the Illinois Supreme Court reasoned the issue as a way to uphold a policy that discouraged cohabitation of unmarried partners, and any children resulting from the relationship.
Habits That End Marriages
Everyone has a habit that others find annoying or irritating, but something like biting one’s fingernails probably doesn’t qualify as a marriage breaker. However, those who work with couples and deal with divorce tend to hear about the things that spouses do that ultimately lead to the end of a marriage.
Potentially Destructive Behavior
While infidelity certainly has a damaging impact on any marriage, there are far more subtle actions a spouse might engage in that can harm a partner and move a relationship beyond the point of repair. If you engage in any of the following behaviors or recognize them in your spouse, it might be a red flag that your marriage is headed for divorce:- Fixating on the other person’s shortcomings: Perhaps they are not as funny as a previous partner or don’t clean the kitchen as well as you’d like, even keeping mental notes on these perceived failings could spell doom.
The Importance of Communication during Divorce
Many believe that open and honest communication is an important part of maintaining a good relationship. However, that same thing can be said for those going through a divorce who wish to find a fast resolution, as well as need to maintain some form of relationship with their ex-spouse once the marriage has ended.
Keeping the Lines of Communication Open and Positive
No two people begin a marriage with the thought that it will end prematurely. However, open and calm communication tends to be more productive in seeing the divorce through to a satisfying resolution. Here are few tips to consider while attempting to maintain open communication during your divorce.
- Although they may be the last person to whom you wish to speak, sitting across a table from your spouse to discuss how each foresees divorce proceedings taking place can help each better prepare for the coming months.
Divorce Finances: Should You Open and Maintain a Secret Account?
Both marriage and divorce create a wide variety of financial scenarios that impact both spouses, as well as children, over the course of months and years. Some believe the best way to maintain financial security, even before a divorce is considered, is to keep a secret account with funds of which your spouse is not aware.
Positive Aspects of a Secret Fund
Husbands and wives may find that opening a separate account apart from any joint accounts becomes a necessity. Some pros for doing so include:
- A “secret” account can be both financially and emotionally empowering. Some people need to maintain an element of individuality that marriage may not otherwise permit.
- Women’s advocates insist maintaining financial independence is important. Should a divorce become imminent that independence may be beneficial.
- You, and you alone, control how the funds of this account are spent.
Ready to Get Started?
To schedule a free consultation with Aurora divorce attorney, Matthew M. Williams, call 630-409-8184 or fill out the form below.
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