Parenting Tips From an Aurora, IL Child Custody Attorney

Knowledgeable Lawyers Helping You Protect Your Children's Best Interests in Aurora Family Law Cases

If you are getting a divorce or are separating from your children's other parent, you will likely be concerned about how your children will be affected by the changes in their lives. Fortunately, there are positive steps that you can take to minimize the effects of divorce or separation on your children.

At The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C., we have been working with parents and families to resolve family law issues for over 20 years. We understand the ways children can be affected by the breakup of their parents, and we can provide guidance on how to resolve child custody issues effectively while protecting children's best interests.

Addressing Children's Needs During a Divorce

First, it is important to realize that society, in general, does not provide any training on how to be an ex-spouse. The common sense that you have used when raising your children may not fully prepare you for what to do during and after your divorce. Your children are likely to experience unexpected emotions, and no matter how bright, sensitive, or loving they may be, they may not be able to share these new feelings with you.

However, there are some common fears and emotional concerns that children are likely to experience when their parents get divorced. They may become very worried about what will happen to them during a custody battle. For example, younger children may worry about whether they will have a roof over their heads, while older children may worry about whether they will be able to continue their education or if they will have to move and lose contact with friends.

Children need to understand what the future holds for them. For example, they will need to understand where they will be living and going to school. They need to know, in an appropriate way, why the parents are divorcing. While they do not need to learn all of the details, it is important for them to understand that it is best if their parents are no longer together, but this does not mean that they are at fault in any way. You will also want to make sure to provide reassurance that no matter what happens, you love your children and will always be there for them.

Understanding Children's Concerns

Children are likely to worry about their parents during a divorce or breakup. They may worry about whether a parent is lonely and how and where he or she will eat and sleep. When staying with one parent, they will want to make sure the other parent is okay.

To help avoid uncertainty, children should understand when they will see and spend time with each parent. When one parent has moved out of the family home, they should establish a home for the children with a place for their belongings. A parent can also maintain frequent telephone contact with children to make sure they are aware of what is happening in their lives.

Children may also be deeply concerned about whether the parent remaining in the family home will be able to manage. It is important for that parent to remain positive and reassure children that everything is going to be okay.

Tips for Protecting Your Children During and After Your Divorce

• Never ask children which parent they want to live with.
• Be sure to actually tell each child individually that they are not the cause of the divorce, and they will always be loved by both parents.
• Always let children know when they will see the other parent, keeping them informed about parenting time schedules.
• Be supportive and positive about the child's relationship with the other parent.
• Never ask children for information about the other parent.
• Never use children to carry messages back and forth between parents.
• Never use children to deliver child support payments.
• Avoid arguing in front of the children.
• Never speak about the other parent in a derogatory manner.
• Never ask children to keep a secret from the other parent.
• Do not act sad or disappointed when children leave to see the other parent.
• Do not change residences more often than is absolutely necessary.
• Do not believe everything the children say about the other parent.
• Do not use the children to make or change plans. Communicate directly with the other parent.
• Be careful when discussing your case on the phone. Your children may hear more you realize.
• Do not introduce children to a new romantic interest until they have adjusted to the separation and the new relationship is stable.
• Do not bring children to court or to your lawyer's office.
• Avoid canceling plans with children.

Children need to see their parents as reasonable and rational people who have made the decision to end their relationship in a careful and thoughtful way. Shielding them from conflict, addressing their ongoing needs, and encouraging loving relationships can help them get through these situations and become accustomed to the changes in their lives.

Contact Our Aurora, Illinois Divorce and Child Custody Lawyers

At The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C., we are here to help you get through your divorce or resolve child custody issues successfully. We will work to minimize conflict during your case and make sure you and your children will be able to establish a new normal. To set up a free consultation, contact our Aurora child custody attorneys at 630-409-8184.