7 Child Custody Tips for Newly Single Parents

 Posted on June 12, 2025 in Child Custody

More than one million children across the United States will be forced to deal with the divorce of their parents each year. Many of these children will be younger than six when their parents divorce. Following a divorce, the entire family must adjust to the changes that occur. Some children will move from their homes, which can result in new schools and leaving their friends.

They may also move away from extended family members, such as grandparents, and other trusted and loved people in their lives. Children are usually less equipped than adults to deal with the many changes that result from divorce. Furthermore, children have no control over divorce or any of the other changes that occur. Parents will be determining the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time, which are additional things children have no control over.  

Parents must remember that even though their marriage ended, their role as co-parents remains. Regardless of the reasons for the divorce, parents need to learn to put the marriage behind them and focus only on what is best for the children. Below are some tips for newly single parents that can help children and parents adjust to a new life. If you are contemplating divorce, it is a good idea to speak to a knowledgeable Batavia, IL divorce attorney.    

Helping Your Child Adjust to His or Her New Life

Parents should never try to make their children take sides following a divorce. It is virtually always in the best interests of the child to have a loving relationship with both parents. If you know you and your spouse will end up arguing about a particular issue, do your best to avoid arguing in front of your child. Consider the following tips:

Keep Your Child’s Daily Routine as Simple and Predictable as Possible

Now that you and your ex-spouse are divorced, consistency and predictable routines are more important than ever. If it is at all possible, work with your ex-spouse to create rules and routines that are consistent from one parent’s home to the other’s. Children – especially younger children – thrive on routines.

After a life-altering event like divorce, these routines are even more important. If your child’s other parent refuses to work with you to have consistent routines across the board, you can still provide these routines at your home. When preparing your parenting plan, consider the best ways to ensure your child has a consistent schedule and routine.

Although your household rules and routines may not be identical, you should try to agree on the major key points, such as morning routines, after-school activities, homework, and bedtime routines. Many divorced parents feel guilty about how divorce is affecting their child, and this guilt may prevent them from providing the discipline the child needs. Rules are important so your child knows exactly what to expect.

Try Not to Make Your Child Grow Up Too Fast

Your child is not a replacement for your spouse. While it is normal that you may feel lonely, sad, or even scared, you cannot allow these feelings to spill over onto your child. If you need to talk to someone, consider speaking with a friend, a trusted family member, or a counselor. It can also be a good idea to get your child into counseling to help him or her deal with feelings about the divorce.  Saying things like "You’re the man of the family now" puts far too much pressure on a child. Do not expect your child to mature into a small adult to help you through this difficult time. Let your child be a child for as long as possible.

Respect the Relationship Between Your Child and His or Her Other Parent

Regardless of how you feel about your ex-spouse, he or she is your child’s other parent. If your parenting plan includes parenting time with the other parent, never make the child feel guilty or disloyal for enjoying the times spent with that parent. Younger children may subconsciously feel that if one parent "left" them, the other one could do the same. Reassure your child on a regular basis that parents can never divorce their children and that both parents will always love the child and be available for him or her. A strong, loving relationship with both parents is what is best for your child.  

Utilize Outside Help

Parenting alone is difficult. Build a support system of trusted friends, neighbors, grandparents, and other family members who can offer loving relationships and stability to your child along with much-needed relief for you. When teachers or school counselors are made aware of the situation, they are better able to help your child through a difficult time. Divorced parents often suffer depression and anxiety. Your child may experience similar issues. Seek counseling, both individually and as a family. If you are not physically and mentally healthy, it will be difficult for you to provide what your child needs.  

Engage in Self-Care

While your child should certainly be your number one priority following your divorce, you must also take care of yourself. This is a good time to start new exercise or healthy eating routines. When you feel good about yourself, those feelings spill over onto your child. Let yourself grieve your divorce, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start a new life for you and your child. Find things that you love to do. Take your child outside for walks or to fly a kite. Be kind to yourself, and one day soon, you will wake up excited for the day to begin.   

Be Open with Your Children in Age-Appropriate Ways

When your children ask you questions about the divorce, answer them honestly, to a point. Children, no matter their age, do not need to know that their father cheated or that their mother had a gambling habit. Once they are grown, they may find out some of these things, but this is not the time. Many parents who deliberately try to turn their child against the other parent will gleefully provide this type of information to their child, only to find that it backfires when the child feels compelled to staunchly defend the other parent.

Create New Traditions and Memories

Just because you and your spouse are divorced does not mean that you cannot create new traditions and new memories for your child, and your ex-spouse can do the same. Even the simplest traditions, like making Friday night sandwich night or Tuesday night movie night, can give your child something to look forward to while building new memories. Family is family, regardless of which version you and your child are living with right now.   

Contact a Kane County, IL Parental Responsibilities Attorney

Your St. Charles, IL parental responsibilities lawyer from The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C. can be an invaluable resource during your divorce. Attorney Williams has extensive experience with troubled youth, which affords him a unique insight into the best ways to help children adjust to divorce. He also focuses on mediation and collaborative divorce to help reduce combativeness between parents. To schedule an initial attorney meeting, call 630-409-8184.