Recent Blog Posts
The Importance of Communication during Divorce
Many believe that open and honest communication is an important part of maintaining a good relationship. However, that same thing can be said for those going through a divorce who wish to find a fast resolution, as well as need to maintain some form of relationship with their ex-spouse once the marriage has ended.
Keeping the Lines of Communication Open and Positive
No two people begin a marriage with the thought that it will end prematurely. However, open and calm communication tends to be more productive in seeing the divorce through to a satisfying resolution. Here are few tips to consider while attempting to maintain open communication during your divorce.
- Although they may be the last person to whom you wish to speak, sitting across a table from your spouse to discuss how each foresees divorce proceedings taking place can help each better prepare for the coming months.
Divorce Finances: Should You Open and Maintain a Secret Account?
Both marriage and divorce create a wide variety of financial scenarios that impact both spouses, as well as children, over the course of months and years. Some believe the best way to maintain financial security, even before a divorce is considered, is to keep a secret account with funds of which your spouse is not aware.
Positive Aspects of a Secret Fund
Husbands and wives may find that opening a separate account apart from any joint accounts becomes a necessity. Some pros for doing so include:
- A “secret” account can be both financially and emotionally empowering. Some people need to maintain an element of individuality that marriage may not otherwise permit.
- Women’s advocates insist maintaining financial independence is important. Should a divorce become imminent that independence may be beneficial.
- You, and you alone, control how the funds of this account are spent.
Where to Look for Hidden Assets
If you are headed for a divorce, an amicable parting and division of marital property definitely is the best case scenario. However, it does happen when one party may attempt to conceal certain assets or even disguise the value of property in an attempt to get out of the marriage with more than the other party.
What to Look For and Where to Look
Here are a few things to look for when faced with a divorce, especially if you think it is something your spouse may have been planning for some time.
- Large sums of cash can be converted into artwork, jewelry, new tools, appliances, or sports equipment. If you notice a number of new purchases it is important to keep track of the date purchased and the value of the items.
- Using joint savings to suddenly repay a large debt. This allows the spouse to avoid carrying the debt after the divorce but have it settled with marital assets.
Dealing with Divorce at Work
When going through or dealing with the aftermath of a divorce those affected may attempt to keep the other segments of their life as normal as possible. In many cases, this means trying to prevent the emotion and anxiety of the divorce from seeping into and impacting one’s work. It is not always easy, but maintaining a steady and consistent work environment can help a person get through their divorce.
Getting Through the Work Day
The stress of your marriage breaking up can have a negative effect on your work performance. You can do everything in your power to keep things on an even keel, but here are a few ideas to help you maintain good productivity at work.
- Let your boss know what is happening. It would be okay to have a private conversation with your supervisor to let him or her know that is going on with your marriage. Ask for some flexibility when it comes to meeting with your attorney.
Dating after Divorce
After going through the stress and expense of a divorce, the last thing on the mind of many adults is getting into a new relationship. However, for some divorced spouses, the desire to find a new partner is high on their list of things to do after getting out of a failed marriage. Just as no two divorces are alike, the reasons for getting into or avoiding a new relationship are just as varied.
Avoid Making the Same Mistakes
If you are intent on getting into a new relationship following your divorce, it may be important to take stock of the things that ended your marriage and strive to prevent those same issues from damaging future relationships. Other pitfalls to avoid include:
- Do not get in the habit of thinking all men (or women) are just like your ex-spouse. Sure, all men and all women share certain traits, but be honest with yourself and fair to potential suitors by giving others a chance to prove they can be a good partner.
Divorce and Depression
When something you thought would last forever suddenly ends it is not uncommon to feel a sense of loss or even fall into depression. Divorce can be like that. Even if you saw knew a divorce was coming, when it is all over the experience can still exact an emotional toll.
The Stages of Loss
Not unlike the stages one might experience dealing with the death of a loved one, the stages an individual can go through following a divorce are no less real. You may not necessarily experience all five, but knowing what to expect can help you cope:
- Denial and isolation: in the face of overwhelming emotion, a newly-divorced person may seek isolation to deal with the situation.
- Anger: Misdirected anger can be harmful so finding a healthy outlet is important.
- Bargaining: You might start second-guessing the divorce or dwelling on things you might have done differently.
Building a New Life after Divorce
It is not uncommon for those who just experienced the emotional and mental stress of a divorce to feel a little distrustful and jaded. After all, that union that was supposed to last a lifetime ended, for whatever reason, prematurely and now you are left to rebuild what is left of your life. Well, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that there is life after a divorce.
The Recovery Process
Much like a person dealing with the death of a loved one, there is a process for those emerging from a divorce. Consider applying these tips to your post-divorce life to help you move on to a new phase in your life.
- Allow yourself to mourn. It is okay to feel grief following a divorce or even remorse, but don’t dwell on it. Make room for those feelings, deal with them and make plans to move forward.
- As a way to help you deal with your feelings, sometimes talking with a professional is helpful. Working through your post-divorce emotions prevents them from polluting the next phase of your life.
Divorce and Asset Division
When a marriage results in divorce, the end is usually not as simple as each spouse picking up and heading off in separate directions. Before a divorce decree is issued, the parties must go through the identification, valuation, and subsequent allocation of all marital property.
The Asset Division Process
In Illinois, when a divorce enters the asset division and allocation process, the law calls for an “equitable” distribution of assets, meaning “fair,” and not “even” or even 50-50. This includes:
- Property acquired by either spouse during the time of the marriage is considered marital property and subject to division. Sometimes this is complicated when one spouse attempts to shield assets from the other.
- Once all assets are identified, the value of each is determined and the process of division may begin.
Child Custody: Can a Child Choose Which Parent They Want to Live With?
Divorce is difficult, and there is probably no single person who would deny that. When a divorce involves children, that difficulty rises to a new level as the daily routine of very young people is turned upside down. A big part of the anxiety for children is the question of where they will live and with which parent when custody is determined. The question then becomes, can a child pick the parent with whom they want to live?
Can Children Have a Say?
Generally speaking, custody and residency are matters determined by parents. In the event the parents disagree, the courts will get involved. When a judge listens to a custody case or a request for a change in custody, they will consider the child’s opinion depending on a few factors:
- Age and maturity of the child; there is no specific age, but if the judge feels the child is old enough and mature enough to express their opinion then it shall be considered.
Divorce and Grandparents Visitation
Throughout the divorce process, much of the stress and anxiety weighs on the adults, as well as their children. It is a very difficult time for everyone involved. However, when a divorce involves children, often times members of the extended family are affected. This is especially true for grandparents who have built a deep and loving relationship with their grandchildren.
Grandparents’ Rights in Illinois
As with many legal matters, laws pertaining to visitation vary from state to state, and the issue of Grandparents’ rights to spend time with their grandchildren is no different. Here is a summary of some key facts relative to visitation of grandchildren during divorce. A court may grant visitation if:
- The parents are not living together;
- One of the parents is absent;
- One parent is deceased; and