When you are going through a divorce as a stay-at-home parent, you often have different things to worry about than if you were a working parent. Most of the time, stay-at-home parents sacrificed their careers or education to stay home and take care of the children. This can be problematic for them because stay-at-home parents typically rely on the income of their spouse to support the family. When you get a divorce, you find yourself being put into a situation where you must re-enter the workforce with little or outdated education and large gaps in your employment history. In these situations, spousal maintenance is used as a tool to keep you on your feet. Here are five steps you should take when you are a stay-at-home parent who is getting a divorce.

Gather All of Your Financial Documents

First things first -- you need to have all paperwork on your finances ready to present to a divorce lawyer. These documents can include:

• Tax returns and W2’s from the previous three to five years;
• Bank statements, including information on both checking and savings accounts;
• Mortgage documents;
• Vehicle titles;
• Retirement account statements;
• Credit card statements; and
• Investment account statements.

Ensure You Have Access to Your Money

Some stay-at-home parents find that they do not have regular access to their family’s funds. If this is the case, you should make sure that you begin saving small amounts of money here and there to build up a reserve. One way around letting your spouse know you are saving money is by asking for cash back when you are at stores. If you have reason to believe your spouse might be hiding money from you, you should tell your lawyer who can help you discover it.

No matter the length of the marriage and no matter the circumstances of the split, a divorce is always a difficult life event to get through. Even the most steadfast and strong person can experience the challenges that a divorce brings. Because of the all-encompassing nature of divorce, it can feel like your entire life is falling apart, especially right after your divorce is finalized. While you are most likely experiencing major changes after your divorce, it is important to realize that these changes are only temporarily distressing and with time, you will become happier and healthier. Here are a few tips as to how you can move on after your divorce:

Learn to Let Go of Your Negative Emotions

Though it will be difficult, you cannot health without first learning to let go of all of the negativity and stress that you have built up throughout your marriage and divorce. You may be experiencing feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness or despair, but they will do nothing but damage for you. You must learn to look past those emotions and understand that they do go away with time.

Rediscover Yourself and Your Interests

Often, people who get divorced -- especially if they have been married for quite a while -- find that they no longer partake in activities that they enjoy or that they are a different person than they want to be. Post-divorce is a perfect time to rediscover yourself and truly look at making yourself into the person that you want to be. It is also a good time to rediscover your likes, interests, and hobbies, which can also put you in a better position to focus on the positive rather than the negative.

A “gray divorce” is a fairly new term that people have been using when referring to those who get divorced in late adulthood. A divorce is considered a gray divorce when the couple who is getting divorced is over the age of 50. According to the Pew Research Center, the divorce rate for Americans over the age of 50 has doubled since 1990 and for Americans over the age of 65, the divorce rate has tripled. Older Americans have seen an increase in divorce rates while younger Americans between the ages of 25 and 39 have actually seen a decrease in the divorce rate, by about 20 percent. Typically, couples getting a gray divorce have been married for decades, which is why they face a lot of negative stigmas and backlash from those surrounding them. They also face unique circumstances when it comes to divorce, which is why specific considerations should be made. You Will Probably Be Entitled to Spousal Support

It is extremely common for long-term marriages to involve some sort of spousal support. In Illinois, specific factors are used to determine whether or not spousal support is necessary in a divorce. These factors can include:

• The income and property of each spouse;
• The standard of living established during the marriage;
• The present and future earning capacity of each spouse;
• The duration of the marriage; and
• The age, health, occupation, vocational skills and employability of each spouse.

A marriage that lasted less than 20 years will involve some sort of temporary maintenance based on those factors. If the marriage lasted longer than 20 years, the length of maintenance payments can be equal to the length of the marriage, or indefinitely. You Will Need to Seriously Think About Your Retirement Plans One of the major factors that need consideration when getting a divorce after the age of 50 is your retirement plans. Typically, when you are married, you make financial plans to retire using your income, which can be from one or both spouses. When you get divorced, your retirement funds are typically (but not always) split in half, which means you could be set back in your retirement goals. Do Not Forget About Your Children In a gray divorce, children are typically adults or teenagers. It is important to remember that it does not matter what age your children are - news of a divorce can be devastating to anyone. You should remember that even if your children are adults, they still need your love and support, especially during your divorce. Try to keep them as informed as possible as this can help everyone. A Compassionate DuPage County Divorce Attorney Can Help Divorce is never easy, no matter your age, but it can be especially difficult when you have been married for decades. Every aspect of your life changes when you get a divorce, which is why it is important to have a knowledgeable and hard-working Aurora, IL divorce lawyer at your side. At the Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, PC, we understand how hard a divorce can be and will work to help you every step of the way. Contact our office today at 630-409-8184 to set up a consultation.

No matter the situation, getting a divorce is a big life change. Even if you were only married for a couple of years, getting divorced changes almost everything about your life. Though you may feel that you are ready for a divorce (and you probably are) you may not exactly be prepared for what is to come. There are certain things that you do not expect to experience when you get divorced and there are things that may not have even crossed your mind before. Everyone has different circumstances when it comes to divorce and everyone will experience the divorce differently, but there are a few things you should know about life after divorce. Even if you are the one who initiated the divorce, you will probably still feel a sense of loss. Even though divorce is the legal process of separating yourself from your spouse, it is also very much an emotional process. Many people underestimate just how much of a transition a divorce really is. You are changing everything from your living situation to your financial situation - it is understandable for you to feel things like loss, sadness, grief, and disappointment. These are all emotions many people experience in their life after divorce. If you have children, you do not get to ignore your ex. Just because you are getting divorced does not mean that you get to part ways and never see your ex again, especially if you have children. You and your spouse will forever be linked by your children and that is something you must come to terms with. Even when your children are grown adults and no longer are under you or your spouse’s care, you will still have that link. Divorce might affect your children in ways that are apparent through their behaviors. There is no one way that divorce will affect your children. Just like adults, all children are different and all children will have different reactions to a divorce. Your kids will not always tell you that the divorce is bothering them or that they have certain feelings about the stress a divorce can bring. Sometimes, your children’s behaviors will be the telltale signs that the stress is getting to them.

Holidays will be difficult for years to come.

No matter what holidays you celebrate, holidays mean family. When you are going through a divorce, your family situation is changing and many people who you were accustomed to seeing you will not see again. Holidays can be difficult for anyone, but they can be particularly difficult for those who are divorced. If you have children, chances are you will not be able to spend every holiday every year with them. An experienced Aurora, IL divorce lawyer can be extremely beneficial during the divorce process.

Unlike child support, spousal support is not guaranteed in Illinois divorces. When you get a divorce and you and your ex have a child together, the spouse who has the child a majority of the time will receive child support payments, whereas it will be determined whether or not a maintenance award is even appropriate. Certain circumstances and factors are examined to make this determination, including the income of each spouse, any impairment of each spouse’s earning capacity, the duration of the marriage and the standard of living that was established during the marriage. Even if you are awarded a maintenance payment, the length of the award depends on a number of factors, as well. Length of Marriage Will Determine Length of Payments.

According to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, the length of time you were married will directly impact the length of time you are paid maintenance payments. The Act outlines specific multipliers to use with the length of marriage in years to find out the duration of your payments. Examples of the multiplying factors include:

• Less than five years of marriage to seven years of marriage: .20-.32;
• Eight years of marriage to 10 years of marriage: .36-.44;
• Eleven years of marriage to 13 years of marriage: .48-.56;
• Fourteen years of marriage to 16 years of marriage: .60-.68;
• Seventeen years of marriage to 19 years of marriage: .72-.80; and
• Twenty years or more of marriage: Equal to the length of the marriage or indefinitely.

For example, a person that was married to their spouse for 16 years will receive payments for 10.88 years. When a maintenance order is entered, there must be an extreme change in circumstances for the duration or amount of maintenance paid to be changed. An Aurora, IL Spousal Maintenance Lawyer Can Help

Thanksgiving is the holiday that marks the time of year when fall is officially over and winter is beginning. For many families, Thanksgiving is the time of year when you gather around the table with your friends and family members and you share a delicious feast that you have cooked yourselves. It is a time to show your appreciation and remember everything you are thankful for, but for many families, Thanksgiving can be a stressful time of year. When you are divorced, many things in your life change, including how you celebrate holidays. If you have children, holidays can be especially difficult to figure out how you will celebrate. Though Thanksgiving can be wrought with stress and sometimes disappointment, here are four tips that may just help you survive this season:

Remember What the Holiday Is Truly About

Thanksgiving is a time for family. With that being said, it is not so much your happiness that is most important, it is your children’s. While the holidays can be stressful for you, it can be even more stressful for your children, because they want to spend it with both of their parents. Even if it is not in the cards for you to spend time with your children on Thanksgiving, do not make your children feel bad for spending time with your ex.

Stick to (or Adapt) Your Parenting Plan

Your parenting plan is going to be one of your most valuable tools in your post-divorce toolbox when it comes to holidays. Your parenting plan should spell out which holidays the children spend with you and which holidays they spend with your ex. The plan should also specify how they spend corresponding school breaks. If you and your ex are on amicable terms, you do not have to follow the parenting plan exactly. You can split time during the day for your children to see you if both of you agree on it. If you and your ex are still hostile toward each other, it is probably best just to stick to the parenting plan.

As many as half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. While divorce still tends to have a negative stigma surrounding it, it is often the best choice that a person can make. You are better off being divorced and happy than continuing to live in a miserable marriage. Some people may think that a divorce is the end of their romantic lives, but many people use their divorce as an opportunity to reconnect with themselves and find a partner who is the right fit for them. If you are considering remarriage, it does not come without its own set of complications. Here are three things you should consider before you tie the knot again:

Make Sure the Timing Is Right

Experts say that you should wait about a year before you begin dating again after you have been divorced. This allows you to spend some time outside of a romantic relationship, which you can use to get in touch with yourself, rediscover your interests and determine what you want in your next romantic relationship. Remarrying too soon after a divorce can be a recipe for failure, but the timing can differ for everyone. If it feels natural to get remarried, then you are probably ready.

How Will Your Children React to the Remarriage?

Children can have a lot of opinions about a lot of things - and your remarriage will be no exception. Getting married again means inviting a new person into your life, but that also means that this person will be in your children’s lives as well. Before you get married again, talk to your children about how they feel and see what they have to say about the idea. While it is ultimately not their decision, it can be beneficial for both you and them if they are on board.

It has often been said that marriages do not just break - they get weaker and weaker over time and eventually just fall apart. Issues can arise when one spouse begins to notice problems with the marriage, while the other spouse is blissfully unaware of the troubles. You have two choices when it comes to this - either mutually agree to work on your problems together or call it quits and get a divorce.

Making that decision can be one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life, which is why it is so stressful. Many times, the signs that your marriage is eroding away are not always obvious and can seem normal. Here are four signs that you should be looking for if you think it might be time for a divorce:

You (or They) Are Not Willing to Work on the Marriage

One of the major signs that you might be heading toward a divorce is when your or your spouse are not willing to work on the issues that you have. If it is just one person trying to fix the marriage, it is not going to work - the two of you are in it together so the two of you have to work it out or call it quits.

One of the biggest questions people have when they begin the divorce process is how it will affect their finances. Many people forget how interwoven their lives become with their spouse’s lives until they go to separate them. Especially when it comes to your finances, things can become confusing and stressful. The decisions you make during your divorce will affect you for many years to come, if not the rest of your life. One of the ways you can ensure your finances are taken care of and your assets are distributed correctly is by having a lifestyle analysis prepared.

What Is a Lifestyle Analysis?

Simply put, a lifestyle analysis creates the basis for what your standard of living was during the marriage. It is basically the complete financial picture of the most recent years of your marriage. Your lifestyle analysis will include:

• The kind of living expenses that you and your spouse had;
• The spending habits you and your spouse had;
• All of your financial statements, such as credit card and bank account statements;
• Tax returns from your marriage and business tax returns, if applicable;
• Any recurring expenses, such as clothing, travel or entertainment;
• Your credit report; and
• Any discrepancies your financial records may have with one another.

The Importance of a Lifestyle Analysis

Your lifestyle analysis is your complete financial picture of your life during your marriage for the past couple of years. Many times, courts will base multiple decisions off of the standard of living you enjoyed while you were married - the lifestyle analysis establishes that. An accurate lifestyle analysis can ensure that you get the portion of your marital assets that you are entitled to and it can also help establish a need for spousal or child support.

When it comes to children of divorce, Illinois courts are not really concerned with either of the parents. The courts’ first and foremost concern is the children themselves and their well being. It is of the opinion of Illinois courts and Illinois law that children are best off having a close and loving relationship with both of their parents. This is why the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act states that “it is presumed that both parents are fit and the court shall not place any restrictions on parenting time.” But because the courts’ primary concern is the children, they will, in fact, place restrictions on parenting time if they find that the child’s overall well being would be endangered by spending time with one or both of his or her parents.

Getting the Court to Place Restrictions on Parenting Time

It is the court’s assumption that the child will benefit the most from spending time with both parents. Sometimes, if one parent has the majority of parenting time (sometimes called the “custodial parent”) he or she will petition to have the other parent’s parenting time restricted or revoked altogether. A court will only grant a restriction on parenting time if, after a hearing is conducted, it finds that the child’s mental, emotional, physical or moral health would be endangered by spending time with the parent.

The court does not care if the “custodial” parent does not like the behavior or actions of the other parent - unless they can prove that the other parent’s behavior or actions are damaging to the child, the child will be able to spend time with that parent.

Although it may have never crossed your mind, prenuptial agreements can be beneficial for many people - not just those who are wealthy. Prenuptial agreements are legal contracts that couples sign before they are married that can hash out the details of things like property division or spousal support in the event that the couple was to ever get divorced. Each state has its own laws pertaining to prenuptial agreements and agreements in Illinois are subject to the Illinois Uniform Premarital Agreement Act. The Act dictates everything from how prenuptial agreements must be constructed, to what can and cannot be included in prenuptial agreements. As with most things in the legal world, prenuptial agreements can become tricky, but here are four things that you should know before committing to a prenuptial agreement.

Anyone Can Benefit from a Prenuptial Agreement

Many people’s knowledge about prenuptial agreements comes from what they have seen on television and in movies. You do not have to be extremely rich or have tons of valuable assets to get a prenuptial agreement. Any couple can benefit from getting a prenuptial agreement, especially when one or both spouses have been married before, one or both spouses have children from other people, either one of you owns a business or there is an income disparity between the two of you.

You and Your Soon-to-Be Spouse Both Need to Hire Lawyers

While it would be easier to just hire one attorney who could draft the agreement for you, both of you should get your own lawyers to help you look over the agreement and foresee any future problems with it if it were to be used. A single attorney cannot be an advocate for both of you and if you both do not have separate legal counsel, your agreement may not hold up in court. Full Disclosure Is Required You are required to be completely truthful about any current assets that you have or any future assets, such as inheritance or inherited property you may get. Full disclosure is required going into an agreement, that way both spouses know what they are getting into.

If you are a divorced parent, you probably know how difficult celebrations and get-togethers can be, especially when they involve family or your children. Halloween is a very child-oriented holiday and can be stressful for some parents if they do not know how to handle it. With trick-or-treating, Halloween parties and choosing a costume, there are many things that you must discuss with your ex-spouse, whether you like it or not. Like many things in life, communication is key when having a happy Halloween. Here are four tips to help your child have a good spooky season.

Communicate, Plan and Prepare

It has already been said, but it needs to be said again - communication is key. You should probably have had these discussions a few weeks ago, but if you have not, you need to have them as soon as possible. Talk with your ex and figure out a game plan as far as school Halloween events, such as parties or parades. You should also discuss how you both will spend Halloween with your child and who will be doing what.

Share the Night With Your Ex

If you and your ex can manage it, you should share the night with your child. That can mean that you both take your child trick-or-treating at the same time, or that can mean that one of you takes your child trick-or-treating first and then the other one takes your child trick-or-treating after. Double the trick-or-treating means double the candy - and your child probably will not complain.

When you hear people talking about divorce, they are probably talking about one of three things: how it affects you emotionally, how it affects your children, or how financially debilitating it can be. Marital life typically means that all of your finances and assets are entwined with each other, making it a difficult and stressful time for you when you go to separate them. Divorce can leave you with a sad bank account, a less-than-favorable credit score and thoughts about how you will pay bills alone. Although these issues can weigh on you, there are things you can do to help yourself after your divorce.

Educate Yourself

Before you begin creating a plan of attack for your finances, you have to know what you are working with. One of the first things you need to do is to take stock of all of your assets and debts and determine what is now yours. Divorce means you will be splitting all of these things, though not necessarily equally, but equitably. Figure out what you are working with and then go from there.

Create a Budget

Next, create a budget of what you need to spend and save each month. List out all of your monthly expenses such as rent, health insurance, utilities, credit card payments or other bills. Then figure out how much you can afford to save each month. Even a little bit at a time can add up eventually. Creating a budget can help you get into the swing of managing your finances after your divorce.

When it comes to divorce, there can be a lot of confusion around how it works, the legalities of it and how it affects you in the long run. Some of this confusion can be attributed to the difference in laws between states, some can be contributed to the portrayal of divorce in movies and television, but much of the confusion surrounding divorce is because no two divorces are the same. Stories that you hear about other people and their divorces can be misleading because much like people, no two divorces are the same. Allowing yourself to be consumed by divorce myths can be detrimental to your divorce success. Here are four common divorce myths and the realities behind them.

If You Cheat, You Will Suffer in the Divorce

The notion that adulterers lose in a divorce is an antiquated one. While cheating brings about many types of issues and can be emotionally damaging, Illinois does not recognize cheating as grounds for making decisions about divorce-related matters. The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act states that one of the purposes of the Act was to “eliminate the consideration of marital misconduct in the adjudication of rights and duties incident to dissolution of marriage.”

Mothers Always Get Custody of the Children

This myth is also antiquated. In Illinois divorces, the mother does not automatically get custody of the children. Courts prefer children to be raised by both parents and will usually only award the majority or all parenting responsibilities when it would not be pertinent or in the best interest of the children to award parenting responsibilities to both parents.

Among all of the things that you must take care of when you are going through a divorce is your children. In Illinois, you are required to create a parenting plan that outlines parenting time, parental responsibilities, where the child spends certain holidays and when the child will be moving between homes. Illinois courts prefer you and your ex-spouse to come to an agreement before you go to court, but in the event that you cannot, the court will decide your parenting plan in a proceeding.

This realm of divorce can be confusing because Illinois has adopted the terms “parenting time” in place of “physical custody” and “parental responsibilities” in place of “legal custody.” Here are answers to some frequently asked questions about parenting plans in Illinois:

How Is Parenting Time Determined?

In Illinois, parenting time is urged to be decided by the parents of the child, but if the parents cannot come to an agreement, the court will intervene and make decisions about parenting time that are in the child’s best interest. The court will examine a variety of factors when making a determination, including:

Though you never planned for it, a divorce can be one of the biggest events in your life. You are changing your entire life when you divorce, from where you live to which bank account you use. A divorce is very much a legal process, but it is also more than that - it is an emotional process that you must go through as well. Emotional coping is very important when you are going through a divorce and is essential to your mental health once you have completed the legal aspect of divorce. Here are some ways to help you cope with the wild emotions that divorce can bring:

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Though divorce is a legal process, it is just as much an emotional one. It is only natural to grieve the loss of your relationship when you are going through a divorce, and to prevent yourself from grieving will only prolong the process. Allowing yourself to go through the stages of grief is a healthy coping mechanism that will enable you to move on with your life.

Take Care of Yourself

It is important that you take care of yourself during this trying time. Practicing self-care is not only good for your physical wellbeing but also your emotional wellbeing - if you feel good physically, it will be easier for you to feel good mentally and emotionally and gives you something to focus on, rather than lingering on your pain. If you do not already have an exercise routine, start dedicating a little bit of time each week to work out. Make sure you are eating well and staying hydrated, as well as getting plenty of sleep each night.

When you think of divorce, you might think of litigation in a courtroom with a judge handing down decisions, or a couple in a lawyer’s office arguing with each other, voices raised, about who gets to keep the family home. While popular culture would lead you to believe this is how divorce is, in reality, it does not have to be that way. When you think of getting a divorce, you do not have to go the traditional litigated route - you have options. One of those options is to go with a collaborative divorce, or one in which you both work together to settle your disputes outside of the courtroom. This has turned out to be beneficial for many couples for many reasons. Here are a couple of reasons why you should consider going with a collaborative divorce:

The Process Can Be More Affordable

Because you are settling issues in various meetings, rather than in the courtroom, you are not having to pay court costs and fees every time you try to settle something. Rather, you can make it a point to come to a decision about certain things during each meeting, cutting down on the number of meetings you will actually need to have.

You Have More Control Over Your Outcomes

One of the main benefits of collaborative divorce is the ability to actually control what happens to you and your family’s futures. In a collaborative divorce, both you and your spouse work with your separate attorneys to come to a decision on certain topics that will most benefit your family. In a litigated divorce, the judge will make decisions for you in accordance with state laws if you and your spouse cannot come to a decision on your own. Often times, the decision that the judge makes is not necessarily in you or your family’s best interest. Collaborative divorce allows you to do what is best for your situation.

There could be many reasons why you would want to petition to move out of the area with your child after a divorce - you could be moving for your job, to be closer to family or maybe you just want a change of scenery. Whatever the reason is, as long as you have the majority of parenting time or equal parenting time allocated to you, you can petition to relocate with your child. Typically, relocating with your child requires a change in your existing parenting plan. Though the process to make the change in your parenting plan can be stressful and time-consuming, it is not impossible.

Steps You Must Take

In Illinois, there typically must be a significant change in circumstances before you can change your parenting plan.  A relocation constitutes a significant change. If you plan on relocating with your child, you are required to submit a written notice of relocation to your child’s other parent within 60 days of relocating. If you do not provide notice, the court can use that as a factor in considering whether or not the relocation is in good faith.

Deciding Factors the Court Uses

If the other parent agrees to the relocation, then the relocation will be granted. If the other parent disagrees with the relocation, the court can modify the parenting plan and will use the following factors to make the decision:

It is extremely important to understand your financial situation, especially if you are getting a divorce. It is not uncommon for people to try to keep certain assets from their spouses when it comes to dividing them during a divorce. Unfortunately, nearly 15 million Americans reported that they have at least one bank account or credit card account that their live-in partner does not know about. Though you may think it is difficult to figure out if your spouse is hiding assets from you, it can become obvious if you know what you are looking for. Here are five signs that your spouse may be hiding something:

You Notice an Increase in Transactions on Your Bank Statements

You should know your spouse’s spending habits better than anyone. If you notice unusual transactions or purchases, it could be a sign that he or she is trying to cover their trail. An increase in large purchases, such as cars, artwork or jewelry could be a sign that your spouse is trying to convert their cash to physical assets. Unusual ATM transactions could be a sign that your spouse is moving money from a joint account to a secret account.

Traditionally, divorce has been frowned upon, especially if a couple has children. It was thought that children were better off growing up in a family where their parents were married. But staying in an unhappy marriage can mean a life of misery for you and can actually be detrimental to your children. Though “staying together for the kids” was once seen as an act of decency, it is now seen as an act of ignorance because children pick up on familial tension far more than some adults realize. That tension can manifest itself in many different ways in children, none of them being favorable. Here are four ways staying in a bad marriage could affect your children:

Chronic Stress

Sure, your kids might not know exactly why you and your spouse are fighting, but they can pick up on the tension that the fighting creates, which can lead to stress. Children look up to both of their parents and when they are both fighting constantly, they feel tense around them, rather than relaxed. Chronic stress can lead to problems such as depression and chronic fatigue.