Everyone has most likely heard these four words together before: “We need to talk.” Even if this phrase has not been related to relationship problems, it is still likely to elicit a few anxious and nervous feelings. Ending a relationship is never easy to do, especially when you have decided to dissolve your marriage and get a divorce. Whether you are the person breaking the news or the person on the receiving end, that conversation will likely be one of the most difficult and painful conversations you will ever have. It may also end up being a discussion that both sets the tone for the divorce and that you and your spouse remember forever. 

Breaking the News

Before you have the divorce conversation with your spouse, it is important to carefully consider his or her feelings, as well as those of your children to make the transition easier. Here are a few things you should keep in mind: 

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Sharing children with another person is one of life’s greatest pleasures, but it can also make for some difficult situations. In particular, if you and your spouse decide to get a divorce, you will always be connected, since you are both still parents to your kids. Although this may be comforting to some, it can be intimidating for others, especially if you do not get along with your ex. It can be challenging to co-parent with your ex-spouse after a divorce, but it is crucial to do so for the sake of your children.

Things You Should Do

Achieving successful co-parenting with your spouse depends on how well you and your spouse are willing to work together and how committed you are to your children. To achieve successful co-parenting, you should:

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The state of Illinois believes that both parents have the responsibility to financially support their child, even if a parent does not necessarily have an active relationship with him or her. This is why child support exists. In Illinois, child support is ordered in most divorce cases, but it can also apply to situations where the parents of a child are not married. Child support is determined using a formula and a set of rules that take into consideration the number of children you have, both parents' income, and how much it costs to cover the child’s necessities. Typically, child support orders are entered during the divorce process or if the parents are unmarried when the couple splits. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes circumstances change from what they were when the child support orders were first created. In situations such as this, you may find yourself asking, “Can I change the support order?”

Eligibility for Modification

When a child support order is entered, you are required to pay child support until the child turns 18 or graduates from high school, whichever is later. If you wish to modify the amount of child support you pay each month, you have to meet certain requirements. Before your child support orders can be amended, one of the following must be true:

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Both parents have an obligation to financially support their children, even if one parent is considered “custodial” while the other parent is “non-custodial.” Because of this, child support exists in the majority of cases that involve parents who are divorced, legally separated, or who were never married in the first place. Child support is intended to be used to help pay for the child’s necessities, such as food, clothing, and shelter. If a parent is subject to a child support order, he or she is legally obligated to make the stated monthly child support payments; otherwise, serious consequences could result. When a parent does not abide by child support orders, it can put a financial strain on the custodial parent, but fortunately, there are steps you can take for enforcement if your child’s other parent has failed to make child support payments.

Defining Failure of Support

If a parent is having a bad month financially, and child support payments are late or delayed, typically no action will need to be taken, as long as the paying parent is able to pay the amount due within a reasonable time period. However, if non-payment has become a pattern, and the parent has not made multiple payments, legal action may need to be taken. A parent is considered to have committed failure to support if he or she does any of the following:

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Divorce is filled with issues to settle and decisions to make, which can pose a challenge for some couples, especially if they are not on the best of terms. All couples argue about things from time to time, but divorcing couples have often reached the point where disagreements become heated very quickly and can elevate to all-out wars. When it comes to decisions involving the children, these arguments can become even more hostile, and resolving them can be a very emotional process. If your divorce reaches the point where you have to go to court to come to a resolution on matters related to the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time, you will need to convince the judge that you will be able to provide for your children's best interests. There are certain things that you should avoid doing when you are fighting for a favorable parenting plan:

Resist the Urge to Complain on Social Media

Social media is present in many peoples’ lives these days. In divorce cases, it can become a tool in your ex’s arsenal to use against you if you are posting the wrong type of things on your timeline. Even if you are just sharing a photo of yourself and your new partner, your ex could use it in a negative way, perhaps by claiming that you are more focused on your new relationship than on your children's best interests. Be extremely cautious of what you post online during your divorce proceedings, and above all, do not post anything directly pertaining to your case.

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Making the decision to end a relationship is never easy. Coming to the conclusion that a divorce is the only option typically takes months, if not years, and the possible end of your marriage can be a very stressful time of your life. It has often been said that marriages do not just break -- they deteriorate over time. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you may be wondering if it is time to call it quits, but it can be difficult to be certain that it is the right choice. Often, there are red flags throughout the marriage that you should be aware of that may indicate your marriage is not working. While there is no magic answer as to whether you should get a divorce or not, below are some warning signs that could indicate that it may be best to end your marriage.

One (or Neither) of You is Putting in the Effort

Successful marriages do not just happen. For you and your spouse to be happy in a relationship together, you have to want it. You have to get up every day and work for the marriage that you want and need. When one or both partners get to the point where they do not want to work on the marriage anymore, it could be a sign that the marriage is beyond saving.

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Getting divorced when you have children brings about a wide variety of issues, worries, and concerns. Not only do you have to figure out how you will share parental responsibilities and how you will divide parenting time, but many parents also worry about how their children will be affected emotionally by the divorce. Statistics on this topic can be difficult to analyze; some sources say that divorce is detrimental to the mental and emotional health of children. While this can be true in some situations, a majority of experts agree that your children can grow up happy and healthy as long as they are able to experience a healthy co-parenting relationship between their parents. Co-parenting can be trying, even for parents who are amicable, but a peaceful relationship is not impossible.

Successful Co-Parenting Depends on Collaboration

You have heard it before, and you will most likely hear it many times during and after your divorce — cooperation and communication are key to success after divorce with children. You cannot hope to have a healthy co-parenting relationship with your ex if you do not know how to compromise or talk with each other effectively. Make it a habit to keep in regular touch with your ex about your child’s life, and always include him or her in important decisions.

Use Technology to Your Advantage

There are dozens of apps and websites available that were created to help people in your exact situation. So much of the success of your co-parenting relationship is dependent on communication, which also happens to be one of the hardest aspects of co-parenting. Using technology can help you and your ex discuss child-related issues. Websites such as Google Calendar can help you keep track of appointments and events for your child. Other companies such as Our Family Wizard have websites and apps to manage almost everything involved in co-parenting, such as parenting time schedules and expenses.

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When you get a divorce and you have children, chances are there will be some sort of child support involved. In Illinois, child support ends when the child turns 18 or until the child graduates from high school -- whichever comes later. Even though your child has graduated from high school, that does not mean that your support for the child has ended. If your child decides to pursue some type of post-secondary education, you are responsible for contributing to their education. This type of support is considered to be “non-minor support” and lasts until the child turns 23. It is best if you and your spouse come to an agreement as to how college expenses will be handled, but a judge can allocate college expenses if need be.

Covered Expenses

The main thing most people think about when discussing college expenses is tuition. While that is typically the most expensive expense, it is not the only expense that is covered under the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act. Other expenses that you may be responsible for include:

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Most people experience an influx of stress during the holiday season, but for divorced couples and their children, it can be even more stressful than usual. When you have kids, this time of year is filled with holiday parties, gift exchanges, school plays, recitals, concerts, and holiday celebrations. Divorced families feel the stress when they try to manage all of this out of two households. Traditionally, this time of year is very family-oriented and if you have recently gone through a divorce, or this is the first holiday season as a divorced couple, your kids might be feeling the loss of their family. Here are a few ways you can help your kids cope with the holiday season and enjoy the new family situation:

Remember: It Is Not About You

Even though you want to have a good time during the holiday season too, sometimes sacrifices have to be made. One of the most important sacrifices that you could make for your children is putting your own happiness aside so that they can be happy. If you and your spouse are fighting about who gets the children on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, give in this year and let them have the kids. Next year, you will get your turn and your children will not have to feel the stress of multiple houses on multiple days.

Plan Well in Advance

The key to making sure you have a happy and successful holiday season is planning. This can prove to be difficult because, in order to have things planned out, the communication between you and your ex must be decent. Your children may have multiple things going on during the holiday season that they would like both of their parents to attend, such as plays, concerts and holiday parties. If it is impossible for both of you to be in the same room together, pick and choose which events you will attend.

Keep Some Old Traditions and Make New Ones

Kids thrive off of tradition and routine. Keeping some of the old traditions you used to practice when you were married can help them experience the familiar warmth of the holiday season. It is also a good idea to introduce new traditions for just you and your kids to practice to ease them into the change. You could make it a tradition to volunteer at a homeless shelter for an afternoon or you could allow them to open one gift on Christmas Eve.

Contact a Compassionate DuPage County Parenting Plan Lawyer

The holidays can be tough for anyone, but divorced families tend to have a more difficult time during the holiday season than any other time of year. At the Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C., we understand the ins and outs of making sure each parent has adequate parenting time during the holiday season. Our skilled Aurora, IL parenting plan attorneys can help you craft a comprehensive parenting plan that addresses all of your needs, including holiday parenting time. Call our office today at 630-409-8184 to set up a consultation.

 

Sources:

https://www.cnn.com/2011/12/21/living/holiday-survival-divorced-darents/index.html

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No matter the situation, getting a divorce is a big life change. Even if you were only married for a couple of years, getting divorced changes almost everything about your life. Though you may feel that you are ready for a divorce (and you probably are) you may not exactly be prepared for what is to come. There are certain things that you do not expect to experience when you get divorced and there are things that may not have even crossed your mind before. Everyone has different circumstances when it comes to divorce and everyone will experience the divorce differently, but there are a few things you should know about life after divorce. Even if you are the one who initiated the divorce, you will probably still feel a sense of loss. Even though divorce is the legal process of separating yourself from your spouse, it is also very much an emotional process. Many people underestimate just how much of a transition a divorce really is. You are changing everything from your living situation to your financial situation - it is understandable for you to feel things like loss, sadness, grief, and disappointment. These are all emotions many people experience in their life after divorce. If you have children, you do not get to ignore your ex. Just because you are getting divorced does not mean that you get to part ways and never see your ex again, especially if you have children. You and your spouse will forever be linked by your children and that is something you must come to terms with. Even when your children are grown adults and no longer are under you or your spouse’s care, you will still have that link. Divorce might affect your children in ways that are apparent through their behaviors. There is no one way that divorce will affect your children. Just like adults, all children are different and all children will have different reactions to a divorce. Your kids will not always tell you that the divorce is bothering them or that they have certain feelings about the stress a divorce can bring. Sometimes, your children’s behaviors will be the telltale signs that the stress is getting to them.

Holidays will be difficult for years to come.

No matter what holidays you celebrate, holidays mean family. When you are going through a divorce, your family situation is changing and many people who you were accustomed to seeing you will not see again. Holidays can be difficult for anyone, but they can be particularly difficult for those who are divorced. If you have children, chances are you will not be able to spend every holiday every year with them. An experienced Aurora, IL divorce lawyer can be extremely beneficial during the divorce process.

Divorce is a complicated process that requires the expertise of someone who knows what they are doing. The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C. has been representing spouses in divorce proceedings for over 15 years. Our experienced DuPage County divorce attorneys can guide you through every step of the divorce process and help you come to an agreement that your whole family can benefit from. Call our office today at 630-409-8184 to set up a consultation.

 

Source:

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Traditionally, divorce has been frowned upon, especially if a couple has children. It was thought that children were better off growing up in a family where their parents were married. But staying in an unhappy marriage can mean a life of misery for you and can actually be detrimental to your children. Though “staying together for the kids” was once seen as an act of decency, it is now seen as an act of ignorance because children pick up on familial tension far more than some adults realize. That tension can manifest itself in many different ways in children, none of them being favorable. Here are four ways staying in a bad marriage could affect your children:

Chronic Stress

Sure, your kids might not know exactly why you and your spouse are fighting, but they can pick up on the tension that the fighting creates, which can lead to stress. Children look up to both of their parents and when they are both fighting constantly, they feel tense around them, rather than relaxed. Chronic stress can lead to problems such as depression and chronic fatigue.

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There is no one answer for how children of any age will react to their parents’ divorce, but there are common reactions that have been observed in children of different age groups. These common reactions can give you things to look for in your children when you are going through a divorce and can help you plan how to deal with these reactions.

Infants (Ages 0 to 18 Months): At this time in their lives, the child knows only the love that their parents give them by holding them and spending time with them. A divorce can impact the amount of time that a parent spends with the child, which can have negative effects on the baby. Infants can sense a lot more tension in the home than you think they can. Possible reactions to the tension can be:

• Nervousness around new people;
• Loss of appetite or change in eating habits;
• Frequent outbursts or tantrums; and
• An uneasy stomach.

Toddlers (Ages 18 Months to 3 Years): When children are toddlers, their main interactions are still with their parents, or siblings if they have them. For toddlers, change can be difficult for them. Toddlers thrive off of routine and predictability, so when their routines are changed or interrupted, they can have negative reactions. These reactions can include:

• An increase in crying or tantrums;
• Wanting more attention than normal;
• Trouble sleeping; and
• Feelings of anger.

Preschoolers (Ages 3 to 5 Years): A preschoolers are exposed more to the outside world, their level of thinking becomes more complex and their world is expanded. These children are trying to make sense of the world that they do not yet understand, so when they are in a family in which parents are going through a divorce, they probably do not understand why mommy and daddy are no longer together. Reactions during this stage can include:

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Those who have gone through a divorce will tell you that it is no easy feat. In addition to all of the logistics of a divorce, it also comes with emotional worries and changes, especially to children. Children are usually flexible and good adapters, so most children are fine after a short period of reassurance from their parents. In order to ensure that your child understands the divorce and transitions to their new life, it is important that you understand how to talk to your children about the divorce. Here are five tips that might make telling your kids a bit easier:

1. Choose the Right Time to Tell Them

Timing is everything. If you and your spouse are just fighting, do not tell your kids that you are getting a divorce because you threatened one in a fight. Kids can be sensitive about divorce, so until your divorce is finalized or close to being finalized, you should hold off on the conversation.

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Divorcing with children is not uncommon--anywhere from 40 to 50 percent of divorcing couples have at least one child under the age of 18. Divorcing with children adds an extra layer of complexity to divorces--you have to think about who the child will live with, what the parenting arrangements will be, how you will share the cost of raising a child and more. Children all react to divorce differently and some can have a difficult time coping with the separation of their parents. Here are five ways you can help your child through your divorce:

Be Honest

There is no reason that you should try to hide your divorce from your children. They are very perceptive and can probably tell that something is wrong, even if you do not tell them. It is best for everyone if you tell your children that you are getting a divorce in a straightforward manner and in a way they can understand.

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You have probably been thinking about this event since the day your child was born. High school graduation is a mark in a child’s life that symbolizes their path to adulthood. They might be going off to college and your life might be changing forever. What you may not have thought about was the fact that you are divorced now. If you have gone through a rather troublesome divorce, attending events like these can be stressful for all involved--but they do not have to be. Here are some tips on how to behave civilly during your child’s special day:

Plan Ahead

Oftentimes, events such as graduations limit the number of tickets that each family is allotted to attend the event. If this is the case, you should plan ahead and make sure that you and your spouse have an equal number of tickets to allow all of your family members to attend the event. If need be, you should try to find additional tickets if you or your spouse have more family members than tickets.

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Honest and open communication is an important tool in any relationship. When it comes to breaking the news about an impending divorce, good communication skills will come in handy. This is especially true when it comes time to telling your children that you and your spouse are divorcing, and the subject of child custody becomes a reality.

Breaking the News

Just as many adults are affected by the news of divorce, children frequently take the news quite hard. The range of emotions, from anger to guilt, can impact many other areas of their young lives. Here are a few thoughts on the subject that may just help you break the news while easing the pain your children feel, even if just a little bit:

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While any divorce can be a stressful time for the adults experiencing it, adults generally possess the coping skills and access to resources that allow them to manage the anxiety that accompanies such an event. Children, however, react to the divorce of their parents in many different ways depending on age, gender, personality, and the circumstances surrounding the divorce.

A number of published studies indicate that children of divorce tend to experience physical, emotional and spiritual consequences as a result of their parent’s divorce. Typical among these are:

• Poor academic performance
• Diminished emotional well-being
• Changes in social habits and/or behavior
• Increased aggression or isolation
• Changes in appetite and physical care

In some cases, children of divorce may go through their daily routine pretending that nothing is bothering them and everything is normal. While that may seem ideal, bottling up one’s emotions about a subject as volatile as divorce can be just as harmful as drastic changes in mood or behavior.

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Divorce always comes with a multitude of challenges for children. Depending on their age, they will cope with the end of their family unit in their own unique ways as they become used to life with a single parent or splitting their time between their mother and father.

Custodial parents should be aware of their child’s emotional well being as a divorce can lead to the child experiencing fears of desertion and feelings of guilt. Younger children may undergo developmental regression while older children could develop sleep disorders.

How Might Your Child Cope with Divorce?

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Divorce, by nature, lends itself to being an unpleasant experience for all parties. Between splitting financial assets, dividing debt, and even relocation, getting a divorce in Illinois can prove to be taxing. It is important to remember that this major life change can mean broad implications for loved ones as well--most importantly any children involved.

A child’s response to the divorce process directly correlates with their developmental stage. Generally, younger children display an increased attachment to authority figures and especially guardians. And watching parents separate can impact a child in several ways, including:

• Amplification of dependency on others;

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What are the Grounds for Divorce in Illinois?

The old concept that only an “innocent” spouse may file for divorce has been abandoned in Illinois.  Although Illinois still maintains the traditional "fault" grounds for divorce, it has added a "no fault" ground known as “irreconcilable differences.” Today, either spouse may file for divorce, regardless of whether one was at fault or engaged in any marital misconduct such as adultery.

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