More and more couples in the United States are filing for “grey divorce,” or divorce in their 50s and beyond. The financial needs and priorities of couples divorcing in their later years are very different from younger couples. Children are usually grown and out of the house, and both spouses may be retired. 

One of the hardest parts of getting divorced later in life is managing the division of marital assets. Spouses may disagree about whether there should be spousal maintenance, how savings accounts should be divided, and whether to sell their home or allow one party to continue living in it. It is important to identify your current and future desires and needs when making important financial decisions during divorce so that you can be prepared to move forward with your life after divorce with stability. Here are some important things to consider. 

Is There a Mortgage on the Home? 

If at least one spouse wants to keep the home in the family and there is a mortgage on the home, he or she will have to refinance the mortgage so their spouse is no longer responsible for the loan obligation. This is usually done by buying out the other spouse’s equity and taking on all future costs associated with the home. If that proves to be too much money or work, the cost of selling the house later on will be managed by just one spouse. However, if the house is sold during the divorce process, the costs, fees, and realtor commissions will come out of the house’s proceeds and spouses will share the remainder. Tax considerations may also affect this decision. 

Divorcing spouses in Illinois must equitably divide all marital property. Although in theory, this sounds straightforward, in practice, it can become quite complicated. Marital assets are often complex and expensive, and most couples rarely completely own their most valuable asset: The marital home. 

Deciding how to handle the marital home can be a point of major dispute. Should spouses sell the home and split the proceeds? Should children be forced to move through no fault of their own? Is it even possible for one spouse to keep the home on their own? All of these are important questions that should be asked and answered. If you are getting divorced and think you may want to negotiate ownership of your marital home, here are four things to consider. 

Can You Buy Out Your Spouse’s Value? 

If a couple owns their home together, one spouse may be willing to “buy out” the other spouse’s value by giving up their fair share of other marital assets like savings and retirement accounts, vehicles, and more. Spouses may also pay a cash lump sum or give up future spousal support to buy their spouse’s equity in the house. However, this strategy has its risks; giving up savings or other assets to buy a house may leave the homeowner with very little to fall back on in an emergency. 

For many couples, the marital home is their greatest source of equity. In a divorce where all marital property must be divided, the value of the marital home is of great importance to both spouses. Whether one spouse wishes to buy out the other spouse’s value of the home or not, both parties must be aware of important issues, such as how much equity they have and whether their home’s value is underwater. If you are considering divorce and need to get your home appraised, here are four tips to prepare you for the appraisal so you can get the most value out of your home. 

Know the Costs

Getting an appraisal is not free. The average cost of an appraisal is $300 to $450 for a single-family home. At a time when many American households have little or no savings, the cost of an appraisal can present a challenge. How do you find an appraiser? Who will pay for the appraisal? If the wife is filing for divorce, should she pay for the appraisal, or should both spouses split the cost? These are questions that must be anticipated before hiring an appraiser. 

Understand the Appraiser’s Job 

Regardless of who pays the appraiser, he or she does not work for one spouse in particular. Rather, an appraiser is a neutral party who has one job: Determine the value of a home. In addition to big-ticket items like the house’s size, layout, and position relative to good schools and main traffic arteries, appraisers are also looking for things that will adversely affect the home’s value: Expensive repairs, dirty carpets, a peeling roof. If you and your spouse have waited to do any upgrades or repairs, now may be the time. 

When parents get divorced in Illinois and are going to share parental responsibilities and parenting time, they must create a parenting plan. In our last blog post, we talked about what a parenting plan covers and how parents can get creative when drafting a plan that benefits their whole family. In this blog post, we will review an important part of every Illinois parenting plan called “the right of first refusal.” Like many other parts of a parenting plan, when done well, the right of first refusal can enhance a child’s relationship with both parents and make the shared parenting experience work well for everyone. 

What is the Right of First Refusal? 

The right of first refusal is a provision that states whether and how parents will rely on each other for childcare, rather than using other family members or a paid sitter. This allows children to maximize the amount of time they spend with each parent, increasing their ability to have a strong and productive relationship with the two more important adults in their life.  Although the details can be flexible, the right of first refusal essentially requires parents to offer each other the opportunity to care for their child before they seek childcare from other sources. 

This provision is required to be in every Illinois parenting plan, but the terms can be adjusted to suit a family’s particular needs. For example, if parents get along fairly well, have flexible jobs, and live a short distance from each other, they may want to require the right of first refusal whenever they need to be away from their child for more than three hours. If dropping off and picking up a child causes little or no tension, parents have an easy and affordable caregiver. 

Parenting after a divorce is challenging. Fortunately, there are many things parents in Illinois can do to make the transition to life after marriage easier. The most important piece of parenting cooperatively after divorce is creating a great parenting plan that places the child’s best interests first and respects the needs and wishes of both parents. 

Strategies like mediation can help parents navigate their differences while resolving issues like parenting time and allocation of parental responsibilities. When spouses and their attorneys work together, they can create a parenting plan that both parents are more likely to appreciate and follow. If you are getting divorced and want an amicable and effective parenting plan, here are some tips to get you started. 

Creating an Amicable Parenting Plan

Although everyone’s situation is unique, there are time-tested strategies that generally yield good results. These include: 

The first batch of major holidays during or after your divorce can be tough. Children are still adjusting to all of the changes - a new home, perhaps a new school, less time with both parents, shifting schedules - and between helping the children and trying to manage your own emotions about the divorce, you likely have a lot on your plate. 

Relationship experts say that feeling a heightened sense of sadness around the holidays is normal following divorce. If you are about to experience the holidays as a single adult for the first time in many years, here are some suggestions from psychological professionals to help you adjust and heal during this challenging period. 

Allow Yourself to Grieve

Trying to convince yourself that everything is okay and that the holidays are not a difficult time may make you feel even worse. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family and give yourself the freedom to feel what you feel. Try to keep a positive perspective. This may be very difficult, but it will not last forever. 

Although getting divorced is never an easy experience, the divorce process can seem impossibly complex for individuals who deal with reckless or wasteful spending by their spouses. In addition to the often shocking breach of trust caused by dissipative behaviors, the stress of trying to recover dissipated assets is a tremendous burden - to say nothing of the financial burden imposed by such spending. 

Although proving a charge of dissipation can be challenging, it is not impossible. In this blog post, we will give an overview of what dissipation of assets is and how it can be proven. A qualified Illinois divorce attorney can help you file a dissipation claim during your divorce. 

What is Dissipation of Assets? 

Before you can prove that dissipation occurred, it is important to know exactly what dissipation is. Dissipation of assets, as defined by Illinois law, is the use of marital property (which is generally any assets acquired after the marriage began, including cash and real estate) for a purpose unrelated to the marriage for the sole benefit of one spouse. The wasteful spending must have occurred when the marriage was experiencing an irretrievable break down, Determining what constitutes an irretrievable breakdown can be tricky. 

Illinois formerly considered any court-sanctioned time spent with a child as “visitation,” even if it was time with the child’s parents. Now, the time that parents spend with their children is called “parenting time,” and the term “visitation” is only used when a non-parent obtains a court order allowing them to spend time with a child. 

Generally, parents have total discretion when deciding who gets to visit their children and spend time with them. However, after parents get divorced, grandparents who previously played a large role in a child’s life may find themselves suddenly shut out. When this happens, it is possible to petition the court for the right to visit that child, but only when certain circumstances are met. 

Who Can Petition For a Right to Visit a Child in Illinois? 

Grandparents are not the only non-parental figures who can petition for the right to visit the child. Great-grandparents, step-parents, and siblings can also request the right to spend time with a child. Any person who is requesting visitation must prove the following: 

When one or both members of a married couple decide to get a divorce, many issues must be resolved before the divorce can be finalized. How couples resolve these issues depends on their circumstances and their ability to get along. In the best of circumstances, couples will agree on most or all of the divorce issues and file for an uncontested divorce or even a joint simplified dissolution if there are no children involved. Couples who disagree on certain issues can pursue mediation or collaborative divorce, which generally has a very high success rate of helping spouses resolve their differences and agree to a divorce decree that is, if not perfect for everyone, at least mutually tolerable. When all else fails, or there are certain high-risk situations such as domestic violence, couples may need to pursue divorce litigation in court. A qualified Illinois divorce attorney can help determine which method makes the most sense for your situation and then help you create a roadmap for resolving divorce matters. 

What Do Spouses Need to Agree On Before the Divorce is Final? 

Although each couple’s circumstances will vary from case to case, certain issues must always be resolved. If couples do not have children, they will need to reach an agreement on the following matters: 

• The division of debt and property - If couples signed an enforceable prenuptial agreement that addressed personal property or spousal maintenance before getting married, this will supersede state law when it comes to asset division. However, assets and debt accumulated during the marriage will still need to be divided in a way that is fair. 

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Staying in a marriage where physical or emotional violence is present eventually becomes unsustainable, and domestic violence is the primary cause for many divorces in Illinois. Because Illinois only allows “irreconcilable differences” as grounds for divorce, rather than allocating fault to one spouse or the other, domestic violence cannot be grounds for divorce. 

However, that does not mean that the presence of domestic violence does not affect a divorce’s proceedings or its outcome. If you are experiencing domestic violence and are considering leaving your marriage, it is important to work with an Illinois divorce attorney who can help. 

Gathering Evidence

It is important to collect any information that proves domestic violence happened or continues to happen. This can be difficult and scary, and it is important to keep evidence safe where an abuser cannot find or destroy it. Police reports, text messages, videos, and voicemails may all be potential proof of domestic violence. An attorney can help you with evidence of domestic violence in your divorce case. 

Although divorce trials make for great courtroom dramas, the truth is that very few divorces in Illinois go to trial. This is due to a concerted effort on the part of Illinois courts and judges who recognize that spouses and especially children are not benefited by the time, conflict, and expense involved in trial litigation. Many couples are ordered to exhaust other options, including pursuing mediation or collaborative divorce, for resolving their differences before a divorce case can move forward to a trial. 

However, it is not always possible for couples to agree. Furthermore, issues such as domestic violence can make conflict-resolution strategies impractical or even dangerous. In cases such as these, the allocation of parental responsibilities, parenting time, property division, and spousal maintenance may be resolved by a judge. 

What Happens During Divorce Litigation? 

One of the first steps in a divorce case is a process known as “discovery.” Discovery is a period during which attorneys gather and request facts and evidence, including documents and depositions, from both spouses in preparation for the trial. Depending on the complexity of a divorce, discovery can be the longest part of the divorce case. Attorneys must share materials obtained during discovery with each other so each spouse can make a strong case. 

 Collaborative divorce and mediation are two alternative dispute resolution strategies that help divorcing couples work through all the issues that must be resolved in a divorce. Marital asset division, spousal maintenance, allocation of parental responsibilities, parenting time, and more can all be handled in a way that allows couples to stay focused on finding solutions. 

When both spouses are invested in obtaining a successful outcome, mediation and collaborative divorce can make divorce faster, less expensive, and more peaceful. Although they have similarities, these two strategies are not the same. Understanding the difference can help you choose an approach that is right for you. 

What is Mediation? 

Mediation is conducted by a specially trained, unbiased third-party mediator who is often an attorney. Both parties generally pay for mediators, but they do not represent either spouse. They cannot give legal advice, and their focus is on keeping parties moving towards an agreement. Mediators help couples brainstorm different options, navigate compromises, make priorities, and eventually come to an agreement. 

Recognizing the harmful effects of hostile divorce litigation on families and children, Illinois courts and judges now encourage divorcing couples to use alternative dispute resolution techniques whenever possible. Mediation is one such technique, and thousands of couples all over the state have used it to help them reach important compromises during divorce negotiations. 

There are many common myths and misunderstandings about mediation, and in this blog post we will explore a few of these so Illinois residents can make educated decisions about their divorce. Keep in mind that mediation is not right for everyone and a qualified divorce attorney is the best person to answer your questions. 

Mediation is Only For “Easy” Divorces

Although simple divorces may be easier to resolve, mediation is perhaps even more helpful to couples whose relationships are complex. Complex asset and debt division, spousal support, and child-related issues can all be addressed during mediation, helping couples navigate these difficult scenarios while reducing conflict and encouraging compromise. 

 Divorce is never easy, but it does not have to be a nightmare. With the help of your attorney, having a third-party mediator to help you and your spouse navigate potentially contentious issues of divorce can make the entire process go faster and more smoothly. Mediation is still a lot of work, but the positive outcome is usually well worth the effort. Our last blog post gave an overview of the mediation process. Here, we offer five great tips for preparing for mediation. 

Be Flexible

Anticipate that unexpected problems, feelings, and requests will arise. If you approach mediation with rigid expectations about how it “should” go, you will ultimately find yourself frustrated and disappointed. Being flexible can apply to your own feelings about the situation, too - you may find that your priorities can shift during mediation, and that is okay. 

Get Ready to Listen 

Mediation can only work if both parties are invested in working together and can give each other the benefit of the doubt. You may think you already know everything that is important to your spouse, but people are often surprised at what they learn when they can really listen with the help of a mediator. Assume your spouse is telling the truth and act as if what they say is important. Doing so creates goodwill that can benefit you when it is your turn to express yourself. 

Once a couple has decided to get a divorce, they usually hire their own attorneys to represent them throughout the process. Important issues such as parenting time, division of marital property, and child support must be negotiated and agreed upon, and your attorney will work with you to represent your interests during this process. 

Although divorce can potentially be time-consuming, expensive, and combative, it does not have to be. Mediation is an effective alternative dispute resolution strategy that has helped many divorcing couples agree on complex issues without ever going to trial. Understanding the advantages of mediation can help you decide whether this strategy is right for you. 

What are the Benefits of Mediation? 

Mediation allows a neutral third party to work with spouses, with or without their attorneys present, to resolve issues related to divorce. Mediators are often attorneys and are always trained professionals who are adept at conflict resolution and keeping spouses focused on resolving practical matters rather than hashing out personal conflicts. 

Studies on children with divorced parents can paint a dismal picture. Children of divorces often experience high levels of stress and tend not to do as well in many ways, including academics, criminal behavior, and the likelihood of substance abuse. 

However, there are ways parents can mitigate the impact of divorce on their children. Certain risk factors can impact children more than others, and these risks can be avoided with maturity and commitment from the parents. Unfortunately, this can be very difficult when parents are engaged in a high-conflict divorce. Here are some ways you can protect your child during divorce to ensure their well-being in the future. 

Avoid Fighting in Front of Your Children

Spouses who are getting divorced often have years of pent-up hostility and grudges, but the divorce is not the time to air these grievances. Children experience parental conflict as frightening and confusing and often feel pressured to take sides or defend one parent to another. 

If you are getting divorced, you probably have many questions. How long will it take? How much will it cost? Will my relationship with my children be changed forever? While getting divorced is never easy or pleasant, planning wisely and thinking ahead will allow you to avoid many common mistakes that can prolong a divorce, make it more expensive, and increase hostilities between parents that can negatively impact their relationship with their children. 

In this blog, we will look at some of the common mistakes people make in their Illinois divorce. Remember that a qualified, experienced divorce attorney is the best person to help you create a customized plan for your divorce so it will go as smoothly and quickly as possible. 

Expecting Adversarial Litigation

Although many people think of divorce as taking place in a courtroom where spouses fight it out in front of a judge, modern divorces rarely take this route. Illinois strongly encourages (and can even mandate) mediation for couples so they can work through their differences together and create a mutually acceptable divorce agreement. 

The marital home is often the most valuable asset a couple shares. Often, a couple lives there with their children for many years. It is in the marital home that a family experiences some of their most important moments together. 

But in a divorce, a couple’s assets must be divided and this includes the home. If you are considering a divorce, you may be wondering what happens to the home and whether one spouse will get to keep it. In this article, we will answer some of the common questions about what happens to the marital home in a divorce. Keep in mind that an experienced divorce attorney is the best source for answers to your questions. 

If I Move Out, Do I Lose Access to My House Forever? 

Ownership of the house is not permanently decided until a divorce is final. Even though one spouse will likely want to move out in order to avoid conflict during divorce proceedings, moving out will not affect a spouse’s right to their portion of the home’s value. 

Nobody ever thinks their spouse will cheat on them, and yet it happens to people every day. When such a life-changing event takes place, the spouse who has been cheated on may consider divorce and wonder whether infidelity changes the divorce process in Illinois. After all, it may feel as though someone who knowingly does something that is almost sure to end a relationship should face some kind of consequence.

But regardless of whether somebody cheated, Illinois is a pure no-fault divorce state. This means fault or responsibility is never assigned to either spouse at the end of the marriage. A couple getting divorced because of cheating can only list “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for divorce, and the proceedings will not be affected. However, there are certain behaviors commonly associated with infidelity that can impact the outcome of a divorce. 

New Partners Who Present a Threat

Generally, cheating on a spouse does not affect how allocation of parental responsibilities or parenting time are handled in a divorce case. But if a parent has a new partner who presents a real threat to their children, the court may curtail the time that parent gets to spend with their children. For example, if the adulterous parent’s new partner has a known history of domestic violence or is a sex offender, and there is any chance the partner could be around the children, a court could limit the time that parent can spend with their children or prohibit the new partner’s presence during parenting time. 

For some spouses who decide to get divorced, the final decision is often the hardest part - once that has been made, the divorce process is often amicable and flows fairly smoothly. Spouses who wish each other well may pursue an uncontested divorce in which they agree on all or most issues, believing that is the easiest, most fair, and least expensive of their options. 

Although an uncontested divorce is a great idea for some people, it is still a legal process and has potential pitfalls. If not done correctly, an uncontested divorce can become a drawn-out process that has major impacts on a divorcee’s life down the road. Even if you anticipate agreeing with your spouse on everything, a skilled Illinois divorce attorney is the best person to help you through any type of divorce. 

What are the Benefits of an Uncontested Divorce? 

An uncontested divorce can benefit spouses who can get along and compromise on important issues like parenting time, child support, spousal support, and asset division. It can also be a great choice for spouses who have been married for a short time and who share no children or significant assets.