When you first tie the knot, you have this idea of living happily ever after with your new spouse and that a good marriage will come easily and naturally. What many people do not realize, however, is that a strong and happy marriage is the result of years of communication, trust, and a lot of growth. There are arguments and conflict in every relationship; it is not necessarily conflict itself that is the marker of a marriage that will end in divorce. Conflict can be healthy because it can help ensure both you and your spouse’s needs are being met, but that conflict has to be dealt with in a healthy way. Psychologists say that there are four specific behaviors that take place in a matrimonial union that together can be a telltale sign of a broken marriage that is headed toward divorce. 

Criticism

This refers to the act of attacking your spouse’s character, rather than giving him or her feedback on something he or she did that you did not like. For example, your spouse might have a habit of leaving damp towels laying on the floor after showering. Asking, “Why are you so lazy?” rather than telling him or her that it bothers you and asking him or her to hang them up to dry instead is an example of criticism. Calling your spouse lazy is attacking his or her character and not his or her behavior. This can lead to deeper feelings of resentment and contempt, which is one of the four signs that a divorce is imminent. 

...

Making the decision to end a relationship is never easy. Coming to the conclusion that a divorce is the only option typically takes months, if not years, and the possible end of your marriage can be a very stressful time of your life. It has often been said that marriages do not just break -- they deteriorate over time. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you may be wondering if it is time to call it quits, but it can be difficult to be certain that it is the right choice. Often, there are red flags throughout the marriage that you should be aware of that may indicate your marriage is not working. While there is no magic answer as to whether you should get a divorce or not, below are some warning signs that could indicate that it may be best to end your marriage.

One (or Neither) of You is Putting in the Effort

Successful marriages do not just happen. For you and your spouse to be happy in a relationship together, you have to want it. You have to get up every day and work for the marriage that you want and need. When one or both partners get to the point where they do not want to work on the marriage anymore, it could be a sign that the marriage is beyond saving.

...

Nothing lasts forever and in this day and age, marriages are included in that saying. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 36 percent of couples experience some form of marital disruption by their tenth year of marriage. By the time couples have been married for at least 20 years, that percentage jumps to 53 percent. Though those numbers seem high, some researchers have actually said that the U.S. divorce rate is declining. So why is the rate of marital disruption so high? Here are a few of the most commonly cited reasons that couples get a divorce. Marrying at a Young Age You have heard it before -- getting married too young is not a good idea. Many studies have shown that couples who get married when they are teens or young adults tend to have a higher divorce rate than couples who get married in their late 20s or early 30s. Infidelity This one is perhaps one of the more well-known reasons for getting a divorce. Cheating on your spouse can be the kiss of death for a marriage. When one spouse cheats on another, the trust between the two of them is broken and if you are already experiencing a weak sense of trust, cheating may be the end. Addiction and/or Substance Abuse Another commonly-cited reason for divorce is one spouse’s drug or alcohol use. When you are addicted to something, it consumes your mind and life. A partner who is addicted to drugs or alcohol can destroy the family and be the last straw for some couples. Financial Problems Many couples therapists say that one of the main reasons couples seek therapy is for financial issues. Many couples also say that money problems were the reason for their divorce. When couples do not agree on the way money should be handled, arguments can become heated and divorces can result.

Have You Been Thinking About Getting a Divorce? Talk to an Aurora, IL Divorce Attorney

 There are many reasons why people choose to get a divorce, but in the state of Illinois, you do not have to state a reason on your divorce forms. If you have been thinking about getting a divorce, you should talk to a DuPage County divorce lawyer. At the Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C., we understand that making the decision to get a divorce is a big one that should not be taken lightly. Contact our office today to begin discussing your options. To set up a consultation, call us at 630-409-8184.

...

It has often been said that marriages do not just break - they get weaker and weaker over time and eventually just fall apart. Issues can arise when one spouse begins to notice problems with the marriage, while the other spouse is blissfully unaware of the troubles. You have two choices when it comes to this - either mutually agree to work on your problems together or call it quits and get a divorce.

Making that decision can be one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life, which is why it is so stressful. Many times, the signs that your marriage is eroding away are not always obvious and can seem normal. Here are four signs that you should be looking for if you think it might be time for a divorce:

You (or They) Are Not Willing to Work on the Marriage

One of the major signs that you might be heading toward a divorce is when your or your spouse are not willing to work on the issues that you have. If it is just one person trying to fix the marriage, it is not going to work - the two of you are in it together so the two of you have to work it out or call it quits.

...

It is not uncommon for young couples to get married. In fact, it is almost expected. What seems far less familiar is when a young couple goes through divorce, even after only a few years of marriage. The hard reality is that, regardless of their age or how long they were married, when a couple realizes their marriage just is not working then the best course of action may well be divorce.

Divorcing While Still in Your Twenties

Divorce, regardless of at what age or length of the marriage, is no less emotional for the couple; the decision to end a relationship that was supposed to last forever is rarely easy. However, younger couples may find a smoother, post-divorce path, and when a marriage ends after only a few years, the process tends to be less drawn out for a few key reasons.

...

Even the best marriages encounter issues and difficulties that couples must work through in order to make the relationship work. However, sometimes the size of the problem or the sheer number of issues that come between spouses are just too much to overcome. They may fight the notion at first, but eventually, a couple will come to the conclusion that divorce is probably their best course of action.

The Little Things That Add Up

Before the decision is made to seek a divorce from that person you promised to spend the rest of your life with, it is likely an individual encountered and dealt with one or more problem that seemed to drive a wedge into the marriage. Below we will examine some of the issues that plague married couples, which often serve as indicators that divorce is on the horizon.

• If you cannot be open and honest with your spouse for fear of being made to feel inferior or that your vulnerability will be used against you later it may be a sign that your relationship lacks the capacity for healthy communication.
• The expression, “you married their family” is based in reality. Tension between the family members of married couples can create lasting problems in a marriage, testing where one’s loyalties lie.
• Negativity and constant criticism have a way of eroding a good relationship. If often makes one feel like their character is constantly under attack.
• Money is often a big source of tension in a marriage. Lying about finances, expenses, and expenditures not only builds mistrust and harms the financial well-being of the relationship.
• The decision whether or not to have children should be agreed upon prior to a marriage. However, when one has a change of heart it can cause a rift for which there is no repair.

Whatever the Reasons, Rely on the Counsel of an Experienced Aurora Divorce Lawyer

...

Having an unfaithful spouse is a big reason why many marriages end in divorce. Infidelity signals a lack of trust, respect, and communication, and often signals the relationship is beyond the point of repair. So, the question is, why do people cheat on their spouse?

Reasons People Cheat

Attempting to pinpoint the reasons for a specific behavior is often a difficult task. However, over the years it seems that a handful of explanations appear to be mentioned most frequently in social studies and anecdotal reviews. Here are some of the more commonly occurring motives spouses admit to when discussing their reasons for straying.

• Boredom: It may seem cliché or even immature, but adults get bored in the bedroom and look for excitement outside their marriage.
•  A need for physical contact and attention: This often occurs when communication breaks down between a couple. When the physical contact and attention ebbs in a marriage, for whatever reason, a spouse may seek that attentiveness they desire from another individual.
•  Lack of intimacy: When things cool off in the bedroom, a spouse may seek to rekindle that passion with another partner.
• Spite or revenge: This frequently occurs when one partner discovers the other was unfaithful, so to “even the score” they go out and have an affair to get back at their spouse.
• Some people think it is okay to cheat: There is evidence to suggest that some adults are conditioned to think cheating is acceptable. This often occurs among those who were exposed to a marriage in which one or both parents were unfaithful.
• Low self-esteem: Individuals who constantly seek the attention and approval of others tend to engage in extramarital affairs. Cheating may be their coping mechanism by which they seek to feel needed or desired.

The summary provided above is not meant to imply that these reasons for cheating are acceptable, or cannot be overcome. In most cases, frequent and honest communication among mature individuals can often help prevent infidelity before it occurs.

...

The reasons couples get divorced vary from the very common to quite unique. In some cases, tales of the odd and downright unbelievable accompany court filings. Whether they are true or just some ploy to gain sympathy from the court in an effort to win more a more favorable alimony settlement, there are anecdotes of some very bizarre reasons why individuals have sought a divorce from their spouse.

Examining Some of The Most Bizarre

Infidelity, abuse, chemical dependency, mental illness and even irreconcilable differences are probably some of the most commonly applied reasons for divorce, Here, however, we are taking a look at some of the strangest reasons people filed for divorce from around the world.

• My wife is possessed: Not possessive, but rather possessed … as in, by an evil spirit or the devil. An Italian man used this as his grounds for seeking a no-fault divorce. He even supplied witnesses to his wife’s odd behavior. In the end, he got his divorce.
• Marriage turns ice cold: A Japanese couple filed for divorce after the husband told his wife he really did not care for the animated film, Frozen. She loved the movie and was so put out by her husband’s failure to recognize the film’s greatness that she asked for a divorce.
•  Nice try, but you are still alive: In 2004 man suffered a serious illness during which time his heart stopped beating. In 2007 he filed for divorce claiming he and his wife were no longer legally married since he had died, although not permanently. The judge did not buy it.
• Easy come, easy go: After 25 years of marriage, a woman filed for divorce from her husband, seemingly out of the blue. The man was baffled until he and his lawyers learned the woman won more than one million dollars in the lottery and was hoping to keep it all for herself. No such luck. The judge ordered her to turn over all her winnings to her husband.

Retain a Resourceful Illinois Divorce Lawyer to Help You Gain a Proper Settlement

...

There are some people who like to say that they saw a divorce “coming from a mile away,” but the reality is that predicting the end of a marriage is not like picking a winner at the track. However, there are some who study marriage and divorce and seem to think that, like predicting the weather or the outcomes of sporting events, there definitely are some signs or indications that some marriages are more doomed to fail than others.

What Divorced Couples Have in Common

Just as most Super Bowl championship teams have a great defense or a game-changing playmaker, or World Series champs have great pitching and reliable defense, some social scientists have come to the conclusion that divorce couples also share certain aspects. While nothing is 100 percent certain, there is some credibility to their findings.

...

We generally use this space to provide readers with information about the various issues that surround divorce, the divorce process, child custody, asset division and other related matters. It is important that when one considers pursuing a divorce they have as much information as possible in order to make the best decision. This week we diverge slightly to take a closer look not at what causes divorce, but rather some of the signs that a relationship may last the duration.

Strong Relationship Building Blocks

Consider these opinions of what makes for a successful relationship when examining your own motives for getting married. It is difficult to measure up on all counts, but recognizing a few of these in your own life could be a good sign:

...

The reasons people divorce, as well as those why they marry, are sometimes difficult to put into words. Sometimes the cause is easy to pinpoint, whether infidelity, incompatibility or even abuse, but frequently one or both spouses discover some innate feeling that only makes sense to that person. Whether others believe you or not, when you decide that divorce is the right decision the reasons may only make sense to you.

Rarely Discussed Reasons for Divorce

As mentioned above, there are some pretty common and overt reasons why marriages fail. When one or both spouses cheat, partake in an extramarital affair, or place other things, such as work or time with friends, ahead of the marriage it often signals the end of that relationship. However, presented here are some common reasons people choose to divorce that, although common, rarely receive the attention they deserve.

...

Most married couples will tell you that the relationship is fraught with hurdles and tough decisions. When outside influences weigh on the relationship it can have a negative impact on the union. An addiction can be most damaging, even to the point of resulting in an annulment or divorce.

Addiction and Marriage Is Not a Great Pairing

The horror stories of those who were married to an addict, in addition to the experiences of those who fought their addiction, should be enough to scare most individuals. However, the reality is that addictions impact thousands of marriages every year and, even heroic efforts at recovery and reconciliation by both parties many times are not enough to save a marriage.

• Whether drugs, alcohol, gambling or some other vice, an addiction is usually accompanied by such behaviors as lying, cheating, and stealing; behaviors not conducive to a healthy marriage.
• An addiction can even put the health and safety of other family members at risk.
• If left unaddressed, an addiction generally results in great loss. This may include but is not limited to one’s health, financial stability, employment and even their life.

All of these factors are serious enough for the spouse of an addict to seek a divorce.

Divorcing an Addict

While deciding to divorce an addict may seem like an easy call, it is a decision that carries the same emotional baggage as deciding to divorce under other circumstances. After all, this marriage was supposed to last forever.

• The threat of divorce usually is not enough to force an addict into rehabilitation. Avoid a repeating cycle of destructive behavior and stick to your principles.
• Approximately 1.2 million divorces each year involve at least one addict.
• Take steps to document the addictive and destructive behavior of your spouse, and protect yourself and your children from potential emotional and physical harm.
• Strongly consider including rehabilitation and ongoing recovery program participation as part of any divorce settlement.
• Seek help for yourself and your children. An addict’s behavior can have a negative impact on those around them, counseling can help.

Consult an Experienced DuPage County Divorce Attorney When You Want to End Your Marriage

...

Perhaps if there were a way to know for sure your spouse-to-be would end up cheating, the incident of divorces caused by infidelity would decrease dramatically. While no one can know for sure who will and will not cheat, some believe there are traits and characteristics common among those who stray from their spouse.

Consider Certain Personality Traits

While there is no such thing as a crystal ball to help determine the future of your marriage, perhaps there are some things about potential suitors you should consider before jumping into something long term. Provided below is a list and brief description of some characteristics that should send up a red flag or, at the very least, give you cause to pause before saying, “I do.”

• Narcissism, or an unnatural attraction to one’s own body, typically signals that a person is more concerned with their own needs and wants than those of others. They care about fulfilling their own desires and have little concern for the well-being of those around them.
• Both men and women who are financially dependent on their partner tend to cheat more than those who have their own source of income.
• Career choice may be a clue. Studies have shown men who work in finance and IT and women working in education or as corporate executives are most likely to have affairs.
• Previous incidents of infidelity have been known to signal one’s tendency to cheat in the future.

While there is absolutely no way of knowing for sure whether or not your spouse will cheat, it is important to keep one’s eyes wide open before agreeing to marriage. Furthermore, without being overly suspicious, there is nothing wrong with a little vigilance once the honeymoon is concluded.

Pursue Your Divorce with an Experienced Aurora Divorce Attorney

Whether or not infidelity is the cause of your split, pursuing divorce requires a great deal of time, patience, and legal acumen to ensure a fair and reasonable outcome. Working with a knowledgeable DuPage County divorce lawyer will ensure nothing is omitted or overlooked through the course of negotiations and court appearances.

...

It is probably a safe bet to say that everyone who marries thinks that union will last forever. Why else would they bother? However, divorce is a fact of life, and there are a number of factors that play a part in the erosion and eventual dissolution of a marriage. Stress on a marriage comes from many sources, and a person’s job is among them.

Are You Working Toward a Divorce?

It has become known that workers in some industries experience divorce at higher rates than those in others. Whether it is the long hours, required travel or stress of the job that carries over to the homelife, the career someone chooses could impact the length of their marriage. Here’s a partial list of those lines of work that tend to experience higher than normal divorce rates.

The duties and responsibilities of first-line enlisted military supervisors place an unusual strain on a marriage. The added stress of deployment often adds to the unusually high rate of divorce among those in these roles.

Although a career in supply chain logistics comes with a pretty nice salary, it also includes long hours, a heavy workload and extra stress. Occasional overtime does not help.

...

Just as the decision to get married is not always easy, the decision to divorce can be even more difficult. After all, the marriage was supposed to last forever. Therefore, before making a final decision to retain a lawyer and file for divorce it is important to consider all the consequences that may result.

Things to Consider

When one partner begins mulling exit strategies it can place added strain on the relationship, even without knowing it is happening. Before proceeding with a divorce take time to review some very important elements of the marriage and the divorce process

• Is a trial separation in order? Perhaps there is a way to rebuild the relationship while living apart, but still maintaining contact to work on your issues
• What were your expectations of marriage? Were they realistic? Perhaps by walking back some of these, you can save the relationship.
• Do you argue? Are the arguments an opportunity to place blame, or are they are an opportunity to solve problems and create solutions? There is a difference.
• Have you really given this marriage all your energy? As with anything in life, failing to fully commit has a way of destroying something that could be very good.
• Do you let the opinion’s of others influence your relationship? Really, the only people who really know what is happening in your marriage are you and your spouse.
• Will the problems you experience with this spouse likely to repeat in future relationships? If the answer is “yes,” perhaps you might consider working on yourself either for the sake of the marriage or the sake of future relationships.
• Are you willing to get help fixing things? If so, did you set a deadline? An open-ended attempt to repair the relationship may result in further damage. Set a reasonable goal on which both spouses agree. If at that time nothing has changed, perhaps a divorce is the right decision.

Get Sound Advice from an Experienced DuPage County  Divorce Attorney

Even if you are not sure that a divorce is the right thing to do, it is important to know the consequences of your actions prior to making any permanent decisions. Working with an experienced Aurora divorce lawyer can help you gain some perspective on the matter, and prepare you for the process that lies ahead. The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C. possesses the knowledge and resources that clients need to ensure that once divorce proceedings begin, the months ahead are as free of stress and anxiety as possible. Contact our office today at 630-409-8184 to schedule an initial consultation to discuss the various options available to you.

...

There is an old saying that goes something like, “everybody makes mistakes.” Often it is how someone deals with and bounces back from their mistakes that helps them move forward in life. The same can be said for the mistakes married couples make, and whether or not those mistakes can be overcome or result in divorce.

No Marriage Is without Its Challenges

After the ceremony and celebration have ended, and all that remains of the honeymoon are the pictures and videos, it’s time to get back to real life. However, missteps are bound to take place. Here is a list of some of the mistakes married couples make that, if go unresolved, could play a role in the end of a marriage.

• Sometimes one spouse starts to take the other for granted because they feel so comfortable in their relationship. Failing to show appreciation for one’s spouse, and the things they bring to the marriage can create tension and hard feelings.
• Fights about money appear on almost every list of reasons couples divorce. Couples who discuss finances openly and honestly, and save together can avoid this pitfall.
• Marriage is a huge commitment, but when one spouse is not totally invested in the success of the relationship it can create hurt feelings and tension.
• Total reliance on your spouse can be a bad thing. Yes, you should able to rely on your spouse, but it is important to have a support system that extends beyond your husband or wife.
• Never fighting usually means communication between the spouses has broken down completely. Fighting is not always bad - as long as it is done constructively -  as it allows couples to air problems, let the other person know how they feel, and work together to solve problems

Speak with a Knowledgeable Aurora Divorce Lawyer If You Are Considering a Divorce

If the mistakes you or your spouse make become too much from which to recover, then perhaps a divorce is the correct next step. To ensure the process is handled properly and you are able to protect property and assets to which you are entitled, find and retain an experienced DuPage County divorce lawyer who can guide you through the process. The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C.  understands the law, as well as the stress and anxiety that often accompanies a divorce. We provide a thorough review of all details that apply to your divorce to ensure a fair and equitable conclusion. To get the answers to your questions, please call our office today at 630-409-8184 and set up a consultation.

...

It seems, by many accounts, that once the presents are all opened, the decorations stored away for another year and the final notes of Auld Lang Syne have faded, that thoughts frequently turn toward divorce. As is the case with most things in life, divorce is another that seems to have its own season during which the rate is higher than other times of the year.

It All Starts in January

As it turns out, January is a popular month for online searches that include the terms “divorce lawyer” and “file for divorce.” Some studies show it only second, by less than half a percent, to July. So why is January a month when many people begin the divorce process? The answers appear fairly straight-forward.

...

Most people probably think a divorce occurs after a couple of years of marriage, or while the spouses are still relatively young. While that may have been true during the 1970s and 1980s, a new phenomenon has developed as more and more adults over the age of 50 are now taking steps to end their marriages later in life.

Why Is “Gray Divorce” Happening Now?

The idea of grandpa and grandma going through divorce is now more common than ever. While that is an image many find difficult to comprehend, the fact remains that more and more seniors are divorcing now than ever before.

...

Everyone has a habit that others find annoying or irritating, but something like biting one’s fingernails probably doesn’t qualify as a marriage breaker. However, those who work with couples and deal with divorce tend to hear about the things that spouses do that ultimately lead to the end of a marriage.

Potentially Destructive Behavior

While infidelity certainly has a damaging impact on any marriage, there are far more subtle actions a spouse might engage in that can harm a partner and move a relationship beyond the point of repair. If you engage in any of the following behaviors or recognize them in your spouse, it might be a red flag that your marriage is headed for divorce:

• Fixating on the other person’s shortcomings: Perhaps they are not as funny as a previous partner or don’t clean the kitchen as well as you’d like, even keeping mental notes on these perceived failings could spell doom.
• Talking bad behind their back: This can happen when surrounded by friends and the conversation turns to spouses. It is one thing to share opinions with your spouse, but when you begin trash talking them behind their back it could be a bad sign of things to come.
• Different financial strategies: If you have one way of handling financial matters and your spouse takes a completely different approach to these matters it can have detrimental results.
• Failing to consider the other’s point of view: If you can’t take your spouse opinion into consideration that lack of empathy can create a much deeper problem.
• Turning every disagreement into a fight: If you (or your spouse) tend to make a huge issue from the slightest matters, and argue aggressively when a calm discussion would suffice it could be a sign of a larger problem.
• Never fighting: Sometimes couples need to fight. It allows one to express themselves honestly and show they are invested in making the relationship work. When the fighting stops completely it tends to signal a lack of concern and that the end is near.

Rely on the Counsel of an Experienced Aurora Divorce Lawyer for Best Results

Going through a divorce is not something one should attempt to handle without the help of an experienced attorney. Contact a DuPage County divorce attorney who offers extensive experience providing pertinent advice throughout the divorce process. The Law Offices of Matthew M. William, P.C., offers the attention to detail required to ensure thorough representation and complete protection of your rights. To schedule an initial consultation with an experienced divorce lawyer, contact our offices today.

...

Most divorce specialists say that withholding, an abusive behavior between spouses, is a quick way to destroy a marriage. How do you know if you or your spouse are withholding from each other? This behavior can take many forms, but is typically when one spouse stops communicating with the other, denies them of their time, or refuses to do something. There are a few common withholding behaviors, and it is important to recognize some ways you can correct them before they lead you to divorce.

Withholding Information

Anytime you keep a secret from your spouse you risk creating an emotional divide between the two of you. This type of withholding involves not sharing information with your spouse, be it financial information, what you do with your friends, different places you go, and so on. Over time, your spouse will likely come to feel as if they cannot trust you, and trust is key in any successful marriage. If you feel the need to hide things from your spouse, proceed with caution, as you risk damaging your marriage.

...