The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C.

630-409-8184

1444 North Farnsworth Avenue, Suite 307, Aurora, IL 60505

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Posted on in Infidelity
Illinois divorce attorney, Illinois family lawyer, Illinois child custody lawyer, attorney fees,Having an unfaithful spouse is a big reason why many marriages end in divorce. Infidelity signals a lack of trust, respect, and communication, and often signals the relationship is beyond the point of repair. So, the question is, why do people cheat on their spouse?

Reasons People Cheat

Attempting to pinpoint the reasons for a specific behavior is often a difficult task. However, over the years it seems that a handful of explanations appear to be mentioned most frequently in social studies and anecdotal reviews. Here are some of the more commonly occurring motives spouses admit to when discussing their reasons for straying.

  • Boredom: It may seem cliché or even immature, but adults get bored in the bedroom and look for excitement outside their marriage.
  •  A need for physical contact and attention: This often occurs when communication breaks down between a couple. When the physical contact and attention ebbs in a marriage, for whatever reason, a spouse may seek that attentiveness they desire from another individual.
  •  Lack of intimacy: When things cool off in the bedroom, a spouse may seek to rekindle that passion with another partner.
  • Spite or revenge: This frequently occurs when one partner discovers the other was unfaithful, so to “even the score” they go out and have an affair to get back at their spouse.
  • Some people think it is okay to cheat: There is evidence to suggest that some adults are conditioned to think cheating is acceptable. This often occurs among those who were exposed to a marriage in which one or both parents were unfaithful.
  • Low self-esteem: Individuals who constantly seek the attention and approval of others tend to engage in extramarital affairs. Cheating may be their coping mechanism by which they seek to feel needed or desired.

The summary provided above is not meant to imply that these reasons for cheating are acceptable, or cannot be overcome. In most cases, frequent and honest communication among mature individuals can often help prevent infidelity before it occurs.

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Posted on in Divorce
Illinois divorce attorney, Illinois family law attorney, Illinois divorce laws,Perhaps if there were a way to know for sure your spouse-to-be would end up cheating, the incident of divorces caused by infidelity would decrease dramatically. While no one can know for sure who will and will not cheat, some believe there are traits and characteristics common among those who stray from their spouse.

Consider Certain Personality Traits

While there is no such thing as a crystal ball to help determine the future of your marriage, perhaps there are some things about potential suitors you should consider before jumping into something long term. Provided below is a list and brief description of some characteristics that should send up a red flag or, at the very least, give you cause to pause before saying, “I do.”
  • Narcissism, or an unnatural attraction to one’s own body, typically signals that a person is more concerned with their own needs and wants than those of others. They care about fulfilling their own desires and have little concern for the well-being of those around them.
  • Both men and women who are financially dependent on their partner tend to cheat more than those who have their own source of income.
  • Career choice may be a clue. Studies have shown men who work in finance and IT and women working in education or as corporate executives are most likely to have affairs.
  • Previous incidents of infidelity have been known to signal one’s tendency to cheat in the future.
While there is absolutely no way of knowing for sure whether or not your spouse will cheat, it is important to keep one’s eyes wide open before agreeing to marriage. Furthermore, without being overly suspicious, there is nothing wrong with a little vigilance once the honeymoon is concluded.

Pursue Your Divorce with an Experienced Aurora Divorce Attorney

Whether or not infidelity is the cause of your split, pursuing divorce requires a great deal of time, patience, and legal acumen to ensure a fair and reasonable outcome. Working with a knowledgeable DuPage County divorce lawyer will ensure nothing is omitted or overlooked through the course of negotiations and court appearances.

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Posted on in Divorce
Illinois child support attorney, Illinois family law attorney, Illinois divorce lawyer,Everyone has a habit that others find annoying or irritating, but something like biting one’s fingernails probably doesn’t qualify as a marriage breaker. However, those who work with couples and deal with divorce tend to hear about the things that spouses do that ultimately lead to the end of a marriage.

Potentially Destructive Behavior

While infidelity certainly has a damaging impact on any marriage, there are far more subtle actions a spouse might engage in that can harm a partner and move a relationship beyond the point of repair. If you engage in any of the following behaviors or recognize them in your spouse, it might be a red flag that your marriage is headed for divorce:
  • Fixating on the other person’s shortcomings: Perhaps they are not as funny as a previous partner or don’t clean the kitchen as well as you’d like, even keeping mental notes on these perceived failings could spell doom.
  • Talking bad behind their back: This can happen when surrounded by friends and the conversation turns to spouses. It is one thing to share opinions with your spouse, but when you begin trash talking them behind their back it could be a bad sign of things to come.
  • Different financial strategies: If you have one way of handling financial matters and your spouse takes a completely different approach to these matters it can have detrimental results.
  • Failing to consider the other’s point of view: If you can’t take your spouse opinion into consideration that lack of empathy can create a much deeper problem.
  • Turning every disagreement into a fight: If you (or your spouse) tend to make a huge issue from the slightest matters, and argue aggressively when a calm discussion would suffice it could be a sign of a larger problem.
  • Never fighting: Sometimes couples need to fight. It allows one to express themselves honestly and show they are invested in making the relationship work. When the fighting stops completely it tends to signal a lack of concern and that the end is near.

Rely on the Counsel of an Experienced Aurora Divorce Lawyer for Best Results

Going through a divorce is not something one should attempt to handle without the help of an experienced attorney. Contact a DuPage County divorce attorney who offers extensive experience providing pertinent advice throughout the divorce process. The Law Offices of Matthew M. William, P.C., offers the attention to detail required to ensure thorough representation and complete protection of your rights. To schedule an initial consultation with an experienced divorce lawyer, contact our offices today.

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Posted on in Divorce

cheating, DuPage County divorce attorneysDespite changing views on relationships in certain segments of society, extramarital affairs are still a major factor in a large number of divorce cases in the United States. Interestingly, it seems that the holiday season may just be one of the most common occasions for a spouse to stray. If your spouse has found someone else, it may be time to consider contacting a qualified divorce attorney.

Cheating and the Holidays

According to the data provided by the mobile dating app Clover, people who are already involved in serious relationships sign up more frequently during the winter holiday season that during any other time of the year. Clover’s information also suggested that socioeconomic status may also play a role, as those who earn under $60,000 per year are almost 300 percent more likely to seek a new relationship while they are already committed.

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Posted on in Divorce

cheat, DuPage County divorce lawyerWhile it can no longer be formally cited as grounds for divorce in Illinois, infidelity is still a major problem for many married couples. But, what causes cheating? How can so many people make such a choice when they know that their actions will hurt their partners? As you might expect, those who cheat tend to do so for a variety of reasons, and understanding what they are may help prevent unexpected surprises in your relationship.

Personal Reasons

For some people, the inclination to cheat may be almost hard-wired. Gender, personality, and individual values may make an individual more inclined to be unfaithful. Men are more likely to cheat than women, while those with strong conservative religious and political beliefs are often less likely to commit acts of infidelity.

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Posted on in Divorce

cheating, Aurora family law attorneyAlong with lack of commitment and arguing, infidelity joins the ranks of the top three reasons a marriage results in divorce. In one survey, up to 55 percent of the those who were divorcing cited that infidelity was among the primary culprits. Marriage counsellors everywhere are always watching for signs of infidelity, stating that it nearly always starts as an emotional affair that results in a physical one. However things progressed to that point, the point is that the couple now intends to split. Can cheating have a large impact on divorce outcomes?

Effects on Divorce

Unlike some other states, Illinois is considered to be a “no fault” state when it comes to dissolution of marriage. The idea that you can divorce each other and you win everything because your spouse cheated does not ring true in most cases in the Land of Lincoln. Beginning in 2016, a divorce can only be granted in the state on the no-fault grounds of irreconcilable differences.

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Posted on in Divorce

cheating, DuPage County divorce lawyerWhile divorce experts often claim that disagreements regarding money are the most common reasons for a married couple to seek a divorce, few things can degrade a relationship as quickly as infidelity. In many cases, of course, cheating is a symptom of much deeper issues in the relationship, but the irreversible act is often what causes the most heartbreak and feelings of betrayal. These emotions can quickly lead to a breakdown of the marital relationship, pushing a couple down the path toward an eventual divorce.

A cheating spouse will normally take steps to conceal their behavior, but there will often be warning signs. If you suspect that your spouse may be having an affair, you may want to look for:

  • A renewed interest in his or her hygiene and personal appearance: Has your spouse suddenly started exercising again after years of relative inactivity? Maybe he has changed the way he wears his facial hair without asking for your opinion. Perhaps she has started wearing “going-out” makeup more often than usual. Unexplained focus on personal appearance could be sign that there is someone new he or she is looking to impress;
  • Sudden changes in mood or anxiety levels: Guilt over an adulterous affair can manifest itself in many ways, and it is not uncommon for a cheating spouse to lash out at his or her marital partner. He or she may even express concerns that you are being unfaithful as a defense mechanism;
  • More work, same pay: A cheating spouse will often look for ways to get out of the house without arousing suspicion. Work can provide such an opportunity, but only if there has already been a pattern of expected overtime or odd hours. If your spouse suddenly has to work weekends—and never has had to before—but is not bringing home extra money, there may be other reasons for his or her absence;
  • Cell phone secrets: If you and your spouse have always been open with sharing each other’s cell phone and computer passwords, a sudden change may be a sign that something is wrong. A spouse who gets nervous when you touch his or her phone is likely hiding something, especially if such behavior is new; and
  • Withdrawing from you: You used to spend evenings together, enjoying dinner, taking a walk, etc., but now your spouse comes home and disappears into his or her room with minimal conversation. Your spouse may be experiencing a form of depression, or he or she may be hiding an affair and feels too guilty to remain in your presence for very long.

It is important to remember that these are merely warning signs and not evidence that your spouse is cheating. Any of them could have explanations that do not involve an affair. If, however, you suspect adultery is the problem, it may be time to have a serious conversation with your spouse regarding the future of your relationship.

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Posted on in Divorce

cheating spouse, Aurora divorce lawyerIf your marriage has been affected by a cheating partner, it is only natural to want some type of retribution. Some individuals will use their partner’s infidelity as a justification for their own adulterous acts—though most relationship experts advise against revenge cheating. Others, especially those who have decided to end their marriage, may believe that a financial penalty should be in order. While the law in Illinois does not allow the court to award extra money or property to the victim of a cheating spouse, there are some ways your unfaithful partner can be held at least partially responsible.

Infidelity Clauses in a Prenuptial Agreement

The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act expressly forbids a judge from taking marital misconduct—like cheating—into account when dividing marital property or determining spousal support in a divorce case. There is, however, nothing that says that you and your spouse cannot agree to penalties for infidelity in advance. An increasing number of prenuptial agreements around the country are being drafted with infidelity clauses that prescribe a monetary or property consequence for acts of unfaithfulness. For example, you could agree—voluntarily, of course—that if you cheat, you forfeit a certain percentage of the marital estate that would otherwise be allocated to you. As long as your agreement is reasonably fair, the court would be hesitant to supersede it.

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infidelity, cheating, Aurora divorce attorneyBack in late summer, headlines across the country were ablaze with stories about the hack and dump of the personal information of millions of subscribers to the website Ashley Madison. The site, which promotes itself the top source for finding an adulterous relationship, is well-known for its infamous motto “Life is short. Have an affair.” In the months that followed, divorce attorneys around the country dealt with the fallout, as many relationships were unable to withstand the implications of infidelity.

Blackmail Attempts

In December, reports began to surface that some of the site’s subscribers were receiving letters and emails threatening to expose them. While security experts do not believe the letters were sent by the same group that originally hacked Ashley Madison, the demands for money in exchange for silence were definitely disturbing. Such blackmail threats are even thought to have contributed to the suicide deaths of at least two users in Canada.

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cheating, illinois divorce, Aurora divorce lawyerWith divorce laws set to change next year in Illinois, including the elimination of at-fault divorce, adultery will no longer be legally considered grounds for divorce. That, of course, is not to suggest that cheating cannot destroy a marriage; it simply means that the divorce itself must be based upon irreconcilable differences, which may certainly result from the actions of an unfaithful spouse. Any act of infidelity, whether within the context of marriage or not, raises questions regarding the motive behind the act of cheating. Is the unfaithful partner unhappy in the relationship or is it something deeper and more primal?

Could Cheating Be Genetic?

A relatively small-scale study from Texas Tech University and the University of Nevada recently looked to find a relationship between parents who cheat and the future infidelity of their children. The survey asked approximately 300 students if they had ever cheated on a partner, and about one third said they had. Roughly the same percentage of respondents indicated that at least one their parents had been unfaithful at some point. Interestingly, though, cheating students were found to be twice as likely to have cheating parents as students who remained faithful.

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infidelity, cheating, Illinois divorce lawyerThe emotional pain of being cheated on is almost indescribable. Feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal are often mixed with insecurity and a decreased self-worth, leading to mental turbulence that can last weeks, months, or even a lifetime. For many couples, infidelity causes an irreparable rift in the relationship, resulting in an eventual—or immediate—break-up or divorce. Others, however, are able to work past an episode of unfaithfulness and eventually rebuild their marriage, but not without serious work and dedication. How can you be sure whether your relationship is worth saving or whether ending it is the best solution?

Why Did it Happen?

The first step in evaluating your relationship after your spouse cheats is to try to find the root of his or her behavior. If the episode was truly a one-time event, based on opportunity or circumstances, there may be room for forgiveness. This may be especially true for spouse with behavioral control issues while drinking or under the influence of drugs. While it does not excuse cheating, addressing the underlying problems can help create a more positive future.

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cheating, divorce, divorce attorney, divorce trends, DuPage County divorce attorney, Illinois divorce lawyer, Illinois family law attorney, marriage, women cheat, infidelity, reasons for cheatingA new study reported by The Huffington Post has discovered that women who cheat on their husbands are not necessarily dissatisfied with their emotional relationships. The study, conducted using data from the spousal cheating site AshleyMadison.com, observed 100 women between the ages of 35 and 45. The collected data revealed that cheating women often had little desire to end their marriages. What they were looking for, however, was sex and renewed passion.

Eric Anderson, a British professor and chief science officer at AshleyMadison.com, noted how sexual monotony is likely the reason that cheating women seek sexual satisfaction outside of their marriage. Emotions had less to do with it. “This is because we get used to and bored of the same body,” noted Anderson.

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adultery, Aurora family law attorney, cheating, deteriorating marriage, divorce, DuPage County divorce lawyer, extramarital affair, infidelity, sexual healthThe sexual health of a marriage is incredibly important, and it is also one of the most difficult issues to breach with a significant other. And if it is breached, and then builds within the relationship, emotions can eventually explode if the situation is not adequately addressed. The most serious cases involve extramarital affairs on one or both sides, and can result in a consultation with a divorce lawyer.

Reputable studies have claimed cheating as present in 55 percent of divorce cases. These affairs are often nothing more than the end result of a pattern of behaviors often present by one or both parties. And some of the problems do not start out as what would normally be considered abnormal behavior, but can be telling signals of problems to come. In fact, studies show the more frequently a person watches X-Rated movies or other pornographic materials, the more likely they are to engage in an affair outside of marriage.

When considering the results of this study, research, published by the Psychology of Popular Media Culture, found that watching pornographic materials encouraged the notion that cheating is an acceptable behavior – specifically as “normative and rewarding.”

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Posted on in Divorce Finances

Financial Infidelity, Aurora Family Law AttorneyA new study from the National Endowment for Financial Education states that one in three couples is committing financial infidelity in their marriage. Financial infidelity can range from hidden credit card spending to secret receipts for big expenses. The key factor in the financial infidelity, though, is the intent to hide this behavior from their spouse. And this behavior can eventually result in marital tension or even divorce.

In the NEFE study, more than three-quarters of all respondents mentioned that “financial cheating” had hurt their relationship with their spouse. When the impact of financial infidelity reaches deep, all trust can be lost, especially when a spouse reveals a big gambling addiction or other financial obligation. At this point, it is very difficult to save the marriage and it leads couples to consult divorce attorneys.

The study also found that 35 percent of their respondents believed that some piece of their finances should always remain private. In fact, 30 percent of cheating couples hid statements, bills, cash, purchases, or bank accounts from one another, and 10 percent of couples told lies about their debt and earnings. In many couples, the lying habits took place over several months or years, and spouses went to great lengths to conceal their secret behaviors from their partner.

Whether  financial infidelity is large or small, it can wreak havoc on the trust in your relationship. Nearly one-fifth of survey respondents noted that financial infidelity led to a marital separation or divorce. And according to financial advisors, some of the worst financial cheating habits happen in households where the families are living paycheck to paycheck. Discovering hidden spending in the midst of financial struggle could deliver a devastating blow to a marriage. If you have recently discovered hidden financial habits of your spouse, please consult with an Illinois family attorney today.
The Law Office of Matthew M. Williams, P.C.

630-409-8184

1444 North Farnsworth Avenue, Suite 307, Aurora, IL 60505

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