It is said that breaking up is hard to do, and it can be even more difficult if you were married and decide to get a divorce. Whether you were married for three years or 30 years, or whether your divorce was amicable or contentious, the emotional pain can still be difficult to process. Feelings of anger, resentment, despair, anxiety, or even rage can be prevalent for some time after the divorce. The question you must ask yourself after a divorce is, “Where do I go from here?” The best thing you can do after a divorce is to begin to focus on yourself and move on with your life. The following are a few practical steps you can take to start a new chapter and stop living in the past:

Work Through Your Feelings

Before you can begin the healing process, you have to work through the feelings that you are undoubtedly experiencing. These emotions may include sadness, bitterness, hate, or even hopelessness. Despite these feelings, you are also probably feeling grief because of the loss of the relationship. This is completely normal, but the only way to get through these feelings is to allow yourself to experience them and grieve the loss of your marriage.

Rediscover Yourself

Although it sounds cliched, it is true that many people feel a loss of self after their divorce. When you have been in a committed relationship for so long, it can be hard to see yourself as anything but that person in the marriage. The time after the divorce is a good opportunity to figure out who you are. Decide what makes you happy, discover a new hobby, and love the person you are now.

Most people do not spend a lot of their time in court, which can make for some trepidation when you are required to appear. When you get a divorce, no matter the route you decide to take, you will have to appear in court before a judge at least once to finalize your case. When it comes to Illinois divorce cases, dressing for success takes on a whole new meaning. While it may seem ridiculous, the way you dress can have an effect on the outcome of your divorce proceeding. Here are a couple of tips to help you determine what to wear before you attend your divorce proceeding:

Guidelines for Women

The courtroom is a very formal place where you are going to represent yourself to the judge. Because of this, you should aim to dress conservatively and professionally. Women should wear items of clothing such as:

Going through a separation and divorce is difficult for everyone involved. Even the spouse who initiates the process probably feels some level of guilt, anxiety, or apprehension. After all, a marriage is intended to last forever.

But instead of family vacations and parties, thoughts turn to matters of alimony, custody, division of assets, and other unpleasantries.

However, it is not unheard of for a separation and eventual divorce to take on an amicable tone. When both parties are willing to work through the process, then things can proceed more quickly and with less animosity.

Because many divorces end up in court and involve lawyers, it is commonly looked upon as a legal matter. However, the financial impact of a divorce has the influence to alter a person’s life in a number of ways.  It is critical that those entering into a divorce have a firm grasp on their current financial situations, and initiate financial planning for their future, as well as that of their children, if necessary.

Get the Planning Started

Take steps early in the process so you are prepared when divorce proceedings get underway.

Signing prenuptial agreements has become a common practice before marriage, especially for wealthier individuals. They ensure a person’s wealth, assets, and property will not go to his or her spouse if the marriage ends in divorce. While it is true that prenuptial agreements are difficult to challenge, there are certain circumstances under which the court may omit certain stipulations within the agreement or throw it out completely.

Divorce cases are notoriously unpredictable. The intricacies of family law tend to make every case unique, and if a person wishes to challenge a prenuptial agreement, the matter becomes even more complex. For this reason, hiring an experienced family attorney may help ensure a more favorable outcome.

There are a number of common reasons for a prenup to be thrown out during divorce proceedings. One of the simplest is proving that the paperwork contains errors that make it invalid. This strategy may involve scrupulous amounts of paperwork analysis and verification, but it is not uncommon to find mistakes in a prenuptial agreement. While simple errors might not label the entire agreement invalid, they may render certain aspects of the agreement void.

Not all divorces have to be the ugly blow-up they’re stereotyped as. In many cases, even if you’re not on good terms with your soon-to-be ex spouse, it’s possible to make it through the divorce on good terms as the last amicable thing you’ll do together. If you don’t share children this is easier, but it’s possible in any circumstance. This is what’s known as a collaborative divorce. While it may seem too optimistic, many couples opt for collaborative law in an effort to stave off the extreme cost of divorce and keep things simpler and happier. After all, you managed to agree that you both wanted to split. Why not make an effort to agree on the terms of said split?

According to US News and World Report, a collaborative divorce is based on the “concept that you were partners—even if not good ones—throughout your marriage and you should be able to end it together as well.” This applies to all aspects of the divorce, including property division, division of assets, and determining child custody. “Most people can agree that litigation is a terrible process for a family to endure,” one lawyer told US News and World Report. “The collaborative process if one of the most productive ways to divorce when it works.”

Yet the publication is quick to remind readers that even a collaborative divorce doesn’t guarantee a happy one. Chances are, even if you opt for mediation, working together with your spouse in the one last process you’ll undertake together won’t be easy. This could be one reason that the number of people who opt for collaborative divorces is still low. “For instance, according to the Wisconsin Law Journal, Waukesha County had 3,862 divorces from 2010 to 2012; during that period, there were only 62 collaborative divorce cases filed,” reports US News and World Report.

The marriage only lasted five years, but the divorce has just surpassed the 10 year mark. The case has already produced almost 600 motions and rulings – and there’s no end in sight.

This  long divorce and child custody case is playing out in a Connecticut family court between David Zilkha, a former investment advisor, and his ex-wife, Karen Kaiser. It began on August, 13, 2003, when Kaiser filed the action against Zilkha, saying the marriage had “broken down irretrievably.” The divorce was granted in May 2005, but the battle has continued to wage between the two over child custody issues involving the couple’s 12-year-old twin son and daughter and legal fees.

Zilkha is a British citizen and now lives in London. He hasn’t seen the children in four years, and accuses Kaiser of repeatedly lying to the court about him and alienating the children from him. A court ordered mental evaluation allegedly determined that the father has such a severe narcissistic personality disorder that he shouldn't be allowed to see the children. Kaiser says he can see the children under supervised visitation but he refuses. He claims that it would cost him $5,000 per visit.